


Don’t leave now that you’re here (stay)

by puppybusby



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Hopeful Ending, Injury Recovery, Post-Season/Series 01, beatrice is sad for most of it im sorry, chapter 2 is MUCH HAPPIER, no seriously its a lot of flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27534508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppybusby/pseuds/puppybusby
Summary: "What are you doing?" Beatrice asked."Reading." Ava cracked open the book and frowned at the pages. "Well, I'm going to try to.""Why?""Because you're here and I want to hang out with you." Ava replied as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world.Her gaze was focused heavily on the book in her hand so it was no surprise that she didn't notice Beatrice openly staring at her."What are you reading?" Beatrice asked quietly after a few minutes."Poetry?" Ava turned another page. "Yep. Definitely poetry. I'd read one for you but I feel like I'd butcher them."
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 72
Kudos: 400





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title from "Before you came" a beautiful poem by Faiz Ahmed Faiz
> 
> Anonymous said:  
> I loved your avatrice one shot! Could I pretty please request an angsty one where Ava gets injured badly while protecting Bea and Bea doesn’t leave her side and thinks Ava might not wake up
> 
> It's taken a couple of weeks because well, mental illness and work BUT I got furloughed so suddenly i have a lot more free time now - so here you go Anon, hope you enjoy it.

"Bea…" Camila's voice broke through the silence. 

Beatrice kept her gaze focused on her lap, only blinking when Camila's hands took a gentle hold of hers. 

Camila's skin looked so pale against the streaks of blood that covered her own. 

_"Camila, keep adding pressure. Don't ease up." Beatrice urged._

_The sword lay broken somewhere beside her, jagged and broken but still casting its blue glow and allowing Beatrice to clearly see the fear and worry in Camila’s eyes._

_"We have to get to a hospital. Lilith, punch it into the GPS."_

_"How do we explain this to a hospital?" Beatrice heard Lilith ask quietly._

_"We'll worry about that later. If we don't get her to a hospital she'll…" Mary caught Beatrice's gaze in the rearview mirror and snapped her mouth shut._

_Beatrice looked away and focused back on Ava._

_"Come on Ava, please."_

There was so much blood on her hands. 

"Do you want anything to drink?" Camila asked. 

Beatrice shook her head. "Any updates?" 

Camila kept her hands on Beatrice's and took the seat next to her. 

"She's still in surgery. Mary is on the phone to Mother Superion, I think they're trying to look at options." 

"And Lilith?" 

"With Mary, but I think she's keeping an eye out for Vincent." 

Camila seemed nervous to even say his name in front of Beatrice. 

There was a small weight off of their shoulders knowing that at least for now, Adriel couldn’t pursue them.

Beatrice let out a long breath and tipped her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. 

They really thought they'd be able to take him this time.

Now Ava was bleeding out on some operating table. 

And it was all her fault. 

She felt Camila squeeze her hands again. 

\--

_Ava was only a few feet away but she felt so out of reach._

_Adriel stood before her, connected by the streak of blue between them._

_Ava screamed._

Beatrice jumped in her seat as she opened her eyes, her gaze eventually focusing on a styrofoam cup being held in front of her. 

Mary regarded her carefully until Beatrice took the cup from her. 

"She's out of surgery." Mary said and took the seat beside her. 

She sipped from her own drink and grimaced, Beatrice glanced uncertainly at her own cup. 

"You should have woken me." Beatrice said. 

"You need the rest," Mary replied. "They won't let us see her yet." 

Beatrice bit down on all of the questions she had, logically she knew that Mary wouldn't have the answers she needed. 

Ava was alive and out of surgery, that would have to do until Beatrice could track down someone. 

"Camila's taken the van back to Cat's Cradle, she's going to get some stuff and bring Mother Superion. Lilith is keeping watch." 

"Do you think he’ll show up here?" Beatrice asked. 

Mary frowned through another sip of coffee but shook her head. "She did a real number on him and I’d like to think Vincent is too much of a coward to come alone." 

_Ava screaming._

_Hands wrapped around the blade, blood dripping from her palms, her lips._

_Her chest._

_The halo glowed brighter, brighter. So bright that everything that wasn't Ava was drowned in darkness._

_Adriel spoke, his words shook Beatrice's core and left a hole in her heart._

"...Beatrice?"

Mary's hand was on her shoulder now. Beatrice didn't know when Mary had taken the coffee out of her hands, only that it was safely on the floor now. 

Beatrice passed her hands over her face and sighed heavily. 

"I'm fine." Beatrice replied quietly.

She felt anything but, and she knew Mary could tell. 

It was a conversation she couldn't avoid for long, but Mary had enough mercy to leave her be for now. 

"You can rest though." Beatrice offered. "I'll be here." 

Mary slid down into her seat a little and pulled her hood up. 

"Fine, but then we're trading." 

\--

Lilith joined them some time later, apparently finally satisfied they weren't going to be attacked in the middle of a hospital. 

There was something vaguely comforting about having Lilith and Mary sat on either side of her, though Beatrice did note that they both looked slightly less tired than she felt. 

Then again, they've both moved around in the hours since they arrived. It wasn't much of a leap to assume that at some point they found a bathroom to clean up in. 

Beatrice knew she should do the same, but at the same time it served as a quite literal reminder that Ava's blood was on her hands. 

Another cross to bear. 

The tell tale sound of cane against linoleum had all three of them lifting their heads and turning to the source. 

Mother Superion in all her glory headed toward them, Camila followed closely behind her. 

"Sisters. Mary." she greeted. 

Mary offered a nod of her head. 

"Are there any updates?" Camila asked. 

"She got out of surgery about a couple of hours ago, she’s stable but that's all we know. They won't let us see her yet." Lilith replied. 

Mother Superion hummed thoughtfully and looked over each of them in turn, lingering on Beatrice long enough to make Beatrice focus her attention back on her hands. 

"Hm. Mary, would you take me to the relevant doctor or nurse?" 

"Sure thing." 

"Sister Camila?" Mother Superion gave a nod toward Beatrice as she moved to follow Mary down the hall. 

"Right." Camila dropped into the vacated seat and unzipped her backpack. "I brought some clothes. We… May be here for a while. I thought it'd be better if we were comfortable so I brought options." 

She began to pull clothes from the bag, passing a habit over to Lilith and then another to Beatrice. 

Beatrice was surprised that it didn't stop there, Camila loaded casual clothes onto Beatrice's lap and it took only a few seconds for Beatrice to realise it was the outfit she had worn back when she turned her back on the bus and returned to her sisters.

"Thank you, Camila." Beatrice said quietly. 

Camila's smile was warm. "Go get changed, I'll come get you if I hear anything." 

\--

Locked in the bathroom, alone and away from any prying eyes Beatrice felt the weight of everything finally hit her. 

There are often times when Beatrice feels a certain level of disconnect when she looks at herself in the mirror, this time was no exception.

Smudges of blood were dotted over her face, none of it was her own, she knew that much. There’s a nasty bruise on her cheek and under her chin and the bags under her eyes betray just how tired her body actually is.

Beatrice began by washing the blood from her hands, only moving to clean the blood from her face when the water finally ran clear once more. 

She wasn’t sure how long passed before she finally started to change out of her clothes, folding each item carefully and setting them in a pile beside the sink.

The habit stayed folded as she changed into the pants that Camila had brought her, though Beatrice paused as she caught a glimpse of her reflection as she reached for the long sleeved shirt.

Bruises scattered her entire torso, one in particular along her ribs seemed like a cause for concern, especially with the pain that she felt when she prodded at it experimentally. But it was the bruise in the centre of her chest that caught her attention the most.

An almost perfect handprint.

Beatrice slowly traced the bruise and sighed. 

_"Beatrice!"_

_Beatrice twisted to her left enough for her to see Ava appearing at her side in a burst of light, the light from her halo fading quickly._

_She has seen Ava in distress more times than she would like to count, none of those times even came close to the level of panic Beatrice could see in Ava’s expression._

_Ava was already turning away from her, turning to face the threat as she threw an arm out towards Beatrice, her palm connecting with Beatrice's chest with more force than Beatrice had thought Ava was capable of._

_The force of it threw Beatrice back a few feet, landing heavily on her back._

_Beatrice pushed herself up onto her elbows as she watched the sword get closer._

_"Ava!"_

A drop of water landed on Beatrice's hand. She blinked down at it for a few seconds before lifting her gaze to her own reflection. 

She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and rushed to finish getting changed.

Beatrice bundled her clothes into her arms and stepped out of the bathroom, glancing to her left to see her friends still sat in their seats and waiting. On her right, Beatrice could see Mother Superion deep in conversation with a doctor.

“What’s going on?” Beatrice asked the others when she reached them. She smiled thankfully as Camila took the clothes from her hands and slipped them into her bag.

“No idea.” Mary huffed. “I tried to go to the vending machine so I could eavesdrop and she glared at me just for standing up.”

“I hope it’s good news.” Camila said. Beside her, Lilith hummed an agreement.

They fell into another silence as they tried to watch the interaction, growing more interested as they watched the doctor wave a nurse over and exchange a few words with her.

When the nurse turned and began to walk towards them, Beatrice felt the first spark of hope in what felt like hours. 

“Do you think…” Camila began.

“Hopefully.” Lilith said.

“Definitely looks promising.” Mary added and got to her feet as the nurse reached them. 

“I know you’ve all been here for a while and I know you all want to see your friend.” The woman began. Her tone was kind but formal. “The best I can do at the moment is let one of you see her for a few minutes.” 

Beatrice felt three pairs of eyes on her immediately.

“Okay Bea, you’re up.”

\--

The first thing Beatrice noticed was how pale Ava was.

Next came the unsettling silence of the room, save for the steady rhythm of the monitor beside her bed. 

Beatrice hovered by the door for a moment before she forced her feet toward the chair beside Ava’s bed and sat down in it.

The sheet was drawn up to her chest but Beatrice could imagine the mass of bandages that no doubt took up the extent of her torso. Wires and tubes, IV line, bandages wrapped around her hands…

Beatrice rested her elbows on the edge of the bed and pressed her forehead against her hands.

Even seeing her like this, alive but so small and fragile, it clenched around her heart like a vice.

“Ava, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

Ava’s chest rose and fell steadily. 

“It shouldn’t have happened like this, you were holding your own against him and then I... “ Beatrice sighed. “He saw a weakness and took it and it’s all my fault.”  
  
_“Son of a-” Ava cut herself off as she clutched her side, grumbling under her breath as she glared at Lilith._

 _Lilith poked at Ava’s side with her stick. “You leave your right side open when you go in for attacks.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _Beatrice lowered her own weapon and observed the interaction._

_“Okay but why do I have to get my ass kicked by you both at the same time?” Ava pouted._

_“Your enemies aren’t going to stand by and wait their turn, Ava.” Beatrice replied. Her thoughts drifted back to that night at the Vatican, to Mary getting piled on by possessed civilians._

_“Fine. Fine.” Ava sighed and shifted into her best attempt of a defensive stance. “Come on then, resume the ass kicking.”_

_Lilith shared a quick look with Beatrice and nodded, moving with her newfound speed, flanking Ava’s left, Beatrice threw herself forward to approach Ava from her right side._

_Ava phased through Lilith’s attack and blocked Beatrice’s, grinning brightly. She leapt out of the way of another one of Lilith’s blows and began to back away._

_The dance continued for a few more minutes, Beatrice noticed that most of the halo's energy went on avoiding Lilith’s much more aggressive attacks_ _while deflecting Beatrice’s with her stick, sweating but still grinning brightly whenever she met Beatrice’s gaze._

_It could only go on for so long until Beatrice finally landed a hit in the square of Ava’s chest, sending her to the ground._

_“Fuck.” Ava groaned._

_Beatrice turned to Lilith. “Break for five?”_

_“Fine.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _She crouched beside Ava who narrowed her eyes up at Beatrice. “Lucky shot.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Sorry. Are you okay?”_

 _Ava rubbed her chest and flopped her arm back down to the mat. “I’ll live. I did good though right?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _Beatrice shifted to sit down and smiled reassuringly. “You’re definitely improving, but you still leave yourself open to a lot of attacks.”_

 _Ava sat up and turned to face Beatrice fully. “Is this about training me or you guys finding holes in my abilities?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Both, I suppose.” Beatrice replied. “I meant what I said earlier, you need to get used to being attacked by multiple enemies, but yes, we’re trying to identify your weak spots.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Why?”_

 _“Remember when you were training yourself to phase through the concrete?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _Ava groaned. “How could I forget, break through my personal pain. Good times.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Similar kind of concept. Any weaknesses you telegraph Adriel will exploit it.”_

_Ava frowned as she so often did whenever Adriel was mentioned these days._

_“Believe me. I know what he’s capable of.” Ava replied. She jumped to her feet. “Ready to go again?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“Are you sure? We still have time if you need to rest for longer.”_

 _“Nah I’m good. No chest for the wicked, right?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _Beatrice rolled her eyes, a common occurrence when faced with one of Ava’s puns. “Even for you that was terrible.”_

 _“Made you smile though.” Ava pointed out, offering a hand to Beatrice, who took it gladly._ _  
_ _  
_ _“You have me there.”*_

Beatrice carefully took one of Ava’s hands in her own and squeezed it as gently as possible. 

“I’ll spend the rest of my days on this Earth making it up to you, I just need you to wake up.” Beatrice said quietly.

\--

Beatrice doesn’t leave the hospital.

It takes two days for the nurses to let them into the room full time and they quickly learn to not attempt to remove them unless necessary.

(Beatrice strongly suspected that Mother Superion played a part in making that happen.)  
  
As the days began to stretch out, it became a regular sight for anybody in the hospital to see a gathering of nuns on the third floor.

In the rare moments any of the other Sister's visited and approached Ava's room and found either Mary, Lilith or Camila in that seat by the bed, they knew that Beatrice would be found somewhere else on hospital grounds with one of her squad accompanying her . 

Sat in the cafeteria with Camila, walking the grounds with Mary or even occasionally in the Chapel with Lilith. 

But those moments were few and far between, Beatrice would only leave Ava's room if one of the others would take up her post of careful watch. 

The four walls of Ava's room became her church, the rhythm of the monitors a choir to her grief.

Ava became the symbol to which she would pray. 

Beatrice read a lot. Books provided by Camila or borrowed from the hospital's limited supply. 

At some point, Beatrice didn't know when exactly, she began to read aloud. 

She didn't know if Ava could hear her, hoped beyond hope that she could, but nevertheless Beatrice would find herself telling Ava the stories of whichever novel she had picked up that day. 

At some point during one afternoon, Mary joined her, dragging a chair closer to Beatrice and rummaging through a bag she'd brought with her. 

Mary looked tired, they all do, but Beatrice saw it clearest in Mary. 

They were stretched too thin without Ava, even more so with Beatrice staying by her side. None of them had questioned it though, it even felt like they expected Beatrice to stay where she was. 

"Nothing fancy." Mary said, setting down some hastily wrapped sandwiches and two bottles of water on the table. "But Camila made them so you know they're good." 

"It wasn't necessary, but thank you." Beatrice replied. 

Mary hummed and continued to unpack. "Change of clothes…" She began to pull books out. "Didn't know what you'd be interested in today so I grabbed a variation." 

Beatrice glanced at each book until a worn blue hardback caught Beatrice's attention. 

She reached out and brushed her fingers along its spine, fully aware that Mary had stopped her movements to watch. 

_"Why are we here?" Ava whined._

_Beatrice shot her a quick look over her book, though she felt her expression soften as she met Ava's eyes._

_"You don't need to be here, Ava." Beatrice pointed out. "This technically isn't your studies. You can do what you want."_

_Ava shifted in her seat and sighed. "I… There's nothing to do."_

_"You could see what the others are doing."_

_Ava opened her mouth a few times before snapping it shut and glancing around the library once more. Whatever words she had thought about saying never made it out though, instead she got to her feet and briskly disappeared behind a shelf and presumably out of the room._

_Beatrice shook her head and smiled to herself._

_Ava had found her in the library in the first place, Beatrice couldn't be surprised that the girl wouldn’t willingly choose to sit still and read._

_A few minutes passed before Beatrice was pulled from her own book by Ava reappearing once more, dropping back into her seat with a book in her hand._

_"What are you doing?" Beatrice asked._

_"Reading." Ava cracked open the book and frowned at the pages. "Well, I'm going to try to."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because you're here and I want to hang out with you." Ava replied as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world._

_Her gaze was focused heavily on the book in her hand so it was no surprise that she didn't notice Beatrice openly staring at her._

_"What are you reading?" Beatrice asked quietly after a few minutes._

_"Poetry?" Ava turned another page. "Yep. Definitely poetry. I'd read one for you but I feel like I'd butcher them."_

_"Something for you to work towards then. You've overcome every challenge you've set yourself so far. This can be one of them."_

_The praise felt warranted and Ava's answering smile made her heart sing._

_If she saw Ava's fingers reach for a pencil and presumably doodle something in the book, Beatrice didn't say anything. *_

"Where did you find this?" Beatrice asked quietly. 

Mary shrugged and bit into her sandwich. "It fell out of Ava's bag when I was taking it out of the van. Figured she'd like to hear you reading it." 

“Thank you.” Beatrice set the book aside, not daring to open it in Mary's presence. 

There was something in Mary's expression that Beatrice couldn't quite put her finger on. 

"You look tired." 

Beatrice sighed. "I am tired." 

Mary turned her focus to Ava and ate in silence for a few moments. Beatrice left her sandwich untouched but reached for her water. 

"I'm not going to tell you not to stay here, that'd be a waste of time for both of us. But I do want to know…" 

"Know what?" 

"Why you're staying." 

Beatrice looked to Ava. "So she isn't alone." 

There was slightly more colour to Ava's cheeks these days. She looked more human but no less fragile. 

_“What scares me is being alone. Abandoned in some sick bed with no one to… With no one.”_

"I made her a promise." 

_"We will never leave you”_

_“You mean that?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“You know I do.”_

"I get it." Mary nodded. 

She was thankful that Mary didn't press for more information, Ava had trusted her with the secret of her fear and Beatrice had no intention of betraying that trust. 

"If there was one thing I learned from Shannon, it was that carrying the halo could be a burden. A heavy and lonely one at that." She turned to face Beatrice. "I tried to be there for Shannon as much as I could. Ava is lucky to have you with her." 

Beatrice could see the unspoken acceptance between Mary's words, she knew that none of her friends would understand the feelings that had taken root in Beatrice's soul for a halo bearer quite like Mary. 

She had no words to describe the gratitude that she felt. Could only hope that Mary could see it from the expression on Beatrice's face. 

Mary smiled and let the moment hang between them for a while before gently easing them into easier conversation. 

"Camila asked me to let you know that her and Lilith are going to come by tomorrow. Camila made this thing for dinner last night, fuck it was the best thing I'd ever eaten." 

Beatrice let Mary fill the silence with anecdotes and imagined what puns Ava would have used to get a reaction from Mary. 

\--

_Beatrice hit the ground hard, winded from the blow she'd taken from the tarask._

_Not ideal on top of the possessed, but she'd expected at least one to show up. Had made sure to plan for it.  
  
_ _Lilith just needed to keep Adriel distracted for long enough for Ava and Beatrice to dispatch it. They knew they had to be quick before Mary and Camila got overwhelmed._

_Ava was quick to appear by her side, curling a hand around her arm and dragging her upright._  
  
_Even during a life or death battle, somehow Ava managed a grin that was equal parts goofy and flirty._  
  
_"Got each others backs, right?" She asked, quoting Beatrice's words from earlier that day back at her._  
  
_"Exactly."_  
  
_Ava grinned again before letting go of Beatrice to surge forward, driving the sword upwards into the tarask._

_They didn't have a moment to celebrate before Beatrice caught sight of Adriel as he flicked his wrist._

_Ava was yanked violently away, her surprised yelp still echoing in Beatrice's ears._

_Adriel stepped forward, picking the sword up off of the ground in a smooth motion and pausing to admire it._

_"Truly a beautiful piece." He said as he trailed two fingers along brilliant blue._

_Had he always been so close?_ _  
_ _  
_ _There was nowhere to go._

_Adriel lifted his gaze to look at Beatrice. "Wouldn't you agree?"_

_“Beatrice!”_

Beatrice startled awake, hand instinctively going for the knife at her ankle before she took in the equally startled figure stood a few feet away from her.

A nurse.  
  
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He said quietly, holding both hands up. “I was changing her IV.”  
  
Beatrice could tell he was trying to be reassuring, but his eyes were still wide with surprise.

“It’s fine.”

\--

"You're having nightmares." Lilith said. 

Not a question, no room for hesitation. 

Beatrice wondered how long she had known for. 

The weather was clear that morning and Camila had gently insisted that she would sit with Ava and that Lilith and Beatrice should take a walk on the grounds. 

Now it was starting to feel like they had planned this, somehow. 

"I am." Beatrice confirmed. 

"I do too. What are yours about?" 

"That night." 

Lilith nodded. "Understandable." 

They found shade underneath a tree and Beatrice leant against it, closing her eyes for a beat too long. 

_Adriel's eyes stayed on hers. She watched him glance in Ava's direction and back._

_He's connected the dots._

_"Ah." He smiled. "I see."_

Beatrice opened her eyes. "Every time I close my eyes I replay that night. I see him all the time, hear him. I see that moment and all I feel is…"

She forced herself to stop. This was her weight to bear and hers alone. 

Lilith was observant though, and drew her own (accurate) conclusions. 

"Guilt."

Beatrice lifted her gaze to look at Lilith, a nod was all that she could manage. 

"That's dumb." Lilith said simply. "You have nothing to feel guilty about. You didn't stab her." 

"She got stabbed because of me." Beatrice shot back. She felt the briefest flash of anger in her chest. "He saw what she did when the tarask came for me and he knew how to hurt her." 

At a glance, Lilith almost looked annoyed. Though Beatrice knew that it wasn't directed at her, rather at the situation they had found themselves in. 

_Ava's hands wrapped around the blade in her chest, blood dripping from her palms._

_Blood dripped from her lips as she screamed out._

_The glow of the halo._

_Adriel stepped closer, pushing the sword in that little bit deeper and Beatrice had never felt so frozen in her life._

_"You shouldn't have been so open with your weaknesses." Adriel tutted._

_Something in Ava's scream shifted, from pain to something much rawer._

_Anger._

_White hot anger._

_A shockwave._

_The blade shattered, a piece finding a home between Adriel’s ribs as he dropped the handle at his feet and staggered backwards._

_Beatrice watched in horror as Ava pulled the rest of the blade from her own chest and turned to face her, only managing a couple of steps before collapsing to the ground._

"It was me." Beatrice said. 

"It wasn't. It wasn't your fault." 

"That's not what I meant!" Beatrice snapped. 

Lilith took a step back in surprise. Her voice never rose above its careful clipped tone, always in control. 

How far she had fallen.

"We spent so long training Ava, sparring with her to find her weak spots so she could get better! But it was me, Lilith. I was the weak spot." 

Lilith's face fell, a clear look of sorrow as she stared at Beatrice. 

"Beatrice… I-" 

Beatrice shook her head and turned back towards the building. 

"We should get back." 

In any other situation, Beatrice knew that Lilith wouldn't have backed down. Lilith who pursued Ava across the city and had no hesitation of fighting her own friend to complete her mission. 

So when Lilith silently fell into step beside her, Beatrice wasn't sure how to take it.   
  
  


When they saw Camila stood outside of Ava's room, Beatrice walked that little bit faster to reach her. 

"What's going on?" 

Camila's smile was as reassuring as always. "A nurse came to change her bandages. She shouldn't be more than a few minutes." 

Camila looked from Beatrice to Lilith, her brow furrowing as she held Lilith's gaze.

It felt like a whole conversation transpired between her two friends in those few seconds of silence. 

The door opened and broke the moment, much to Beatrice's relief. 

The nurse looked at them each in turn and greeted them with a warm smile as she closed the door behind her. 

"Your friend heals fast." the nurse remarked. 

Camila and Beatrice shared a look. 

"How so?" Lilith asked. 

"Her palms are fully healed, her other injuries look like they're healing well too." 

Camila's eyes widened. 

"Ava has always been quick to heal." Lilith dismissed. "Thank you for your help, as always." 

As soon as she was out of earshot, Camila was scrambling to pull her phone from her pocket. 

"I better tell Mother Superion." She said. 

Beatrice moved past her into the room, leaving Lilith to follow and close the door behind them. 

Beatrice took her regular seat and took a moment to observe Ava's unbandaged hands before carefully taking her right hand in her own. 

She turned Ava's hand over and just as the nurse had said, the skin was smooth and unbroken. Only the faintest trace of a scar remained. 

"This is good." Lilith said. "Progress." 

Beatrice traced the scar with her thumb.

"Progress." She agreed quietly. 

"You were wrong before, you know." 

Beatrice glanced up at Lilith. 

"You're not a weak spot to Ava. You make her stronger, and I think she makes you stronger too." 

"I don't feel particularly strong at the moment."

"I know, but that doesn't make what I said any less right. I just want you to remember that." 

\--

"Mother Superion is talking with the doctor about moving Ava back to Cat's Cradle." Camila explained. 

"Do you think they'll go for it?" Beatrice asked. 

"Don't see why not. She's stable, it frees up a bed and honestly I don't think Mother Superion will leave this building without the guarantee that we can." Camila shrugged. "It was hard enough explaining away the halo, I don't know what we can say when she heals." 

"If she fully heals." Beatrice pointed out. "Divinium injuries are… Complicated." 

Not even taking into account the question of if or when Ava would wake up. 

"It'll be good to have her back home. For both of you." Camila said. 

Beatrice nodded. 

"...Lilith told me, by the way. About your nightmares."

"I suspected you'd figured it out in all honesty." Beatrice replied. She looked away and focused on the clouds passing through the window. 

"I could tell something had happened that day when you guys came back, but it took some pressing to get Lilith to tell me. Admittedly she only did because she didn't know what to say to help you."

"I'm fine, honestly. There isn't anything to help me with." 

Camila smiled. "I'm not sure about that. I know you're thinking about that night a lot, but you and I both know that Ava wouldn't want you to beat yourself up like this. Think about the good memories you have of her." 

"It's not that simple." Beatrice sighed. 

Camila stood up and walked closer, reaching around to pick a book up off of the table and pressed it into Beatrice's hands. 

"I know, things rarely are. But it's worth trying." 

There was a knowing look in her eyes that for a moment reminded Beatrice of Mary's expression back when she had given Beatrice the book. 

_It was a beautiful day in Cat's Cradle, so many of the other sisters had taken any opportunity to spend time in the sun, even going so far as to hold their sparring sessions outside._

_Beatrice had chosen to come outside after spending the last few hours going over texts with Lilith._

_Each day it felt like they were getting closer to finding Adriel, to hopefully putting this battle to an end._

_Beatrice walked alone for a while until she picked up the distant notes of a piano._

_She followed the sound across the grounds towards the tree that sat at the far end of the courtyard. It was a spot she would frequent thanks to it being far enough away from prying eyes to give some semblance of privacy._

_As she got closer, Beatrice found that under the shade of the tree sat Camila, happily playing music on her tablet. Beside her lay Ava, sprawled on her back and holding the book above her as she read._

_Neither of them had spotted her yet, so Beatrice chose to slow to a stop as Ava finished reading._

_"This word is far too short for us, it has only four letters, too sparse to fill those deep bare vacuums between the stars that press on us with their deafness…" Ava trailed off with a sigh._

_"What is it?" Camila asked._

_"It's a great poem, but I don't know if it's the right one." She dropped the book onto her chest. "The second verse is great but…"_

_"The rest doesn't fit?" Camila finished. She paused in her music to look down at her friend._

_Ava nodded up at her._

_"I think you're right." Camila agreed. "The other one is better."_

_"But I haven't practiced that one." Ava groaned._

_"There's no rush. You've gotten better at reading and there will be a video somewhere for you to watch so that you can get the pacing right."_

_"I guess."_

_“You already circled it right? So you won’t lose it?” Camila asked._

_“I circled it so hard that anybody who picked it up would know.”_

_Beatrice felt her heart begin to race, unable to shake the feeling that somehow she was indirectly being referenced._

_It felt too coincidental, for Ava to be apparently practicing poetry with Camila only days after having a similar conversation with Beatrice._

_It also felt wrong of her to be witnessing this moment of privacy between them._

_Beatrice moved forward and made a point of letting her steps fall a little harder than usual._

_The effect was pretty much instantaneous, Camila looked up and smiled while Ava rolled her head to the side and lit up upon seeing Beatrice approach._

_"Taking a break?" Camila asked._

_"Decided to sneak away for a bit." Beatrice shrugged._

_"Bea being a rebel, I'm corrupting you." Ava laughed._

_A roll of her eyes and a fond smile in Ava's direction had Ava grinning._

_"I'd hardly call taking a break being rebellious." Beatrice replied._

_"Either way," Ava patted the ground beside her. "come join us."_

_Camila got to her feet as Beatrice moved closer, holding her tablet close to her chest._

_"You can keep Ava company for a while, I promised Mary I'd help her do inventory on our ammo."_

_"Better you than me." Beatrice replied._

_Ava nodded in solidarity._

_She sat beside Ava as Camila walked away, brushing her fingers across the grass before she leant her back against the tree._

_“How has your day been?” Beatrice asked._

_“Good, to be honest. Mary sparred with me for a bit but I think she got bored and left me to fight with the other sisters. Camila was helping me with my reading and she suggested coming out here.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“And then you decided to take a nap?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _She was teasing and Ava knew it. She poked her tongue out at Beatrice._

_“Tempting, but no. I’ve actually been reading.” She gave the book on her chest a firm pat and Beatrice couldn’t help but smile at the pride in Ava’s voice._

_“You’ve been carrying that around with you a lot recently. Are you enjoying it?” Beatrice asked._

_“Yeah! They’re all so powerful and heartfelt, I…” Ava paused for a moment, her brow creasing in thought. “I haven’t finished with it yet. But I think there’s some stuff in there that you would like.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“You’ll have to show me sometime.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _Ava set the book aside and made a point of shuffling closer until she could nudge her head against Beatrice’s knee. “I will. I want you to experience them.”_

_Beatrice thought back to the passage she had overheard Ava reading and wondered what other poems that book held._

_Ava yawned suddenly and closed her eyes against the gentle light that filtered through the leaves._

_Beatrice yearned to trace the shadows it cast against her skin._

_“See, you got me thinking about naps.” Ava said._

_Beatrice’s heart was still racing, it felt daring to offer and usually she would push down on such thoughts._

_But in the safety of the shade with only Ava to see, Beatrice felt brave._

_She patted her thigh until Ava opened an eye to peer up at her. Ava seemed to understand immediately and moved again, resting her head on Beatrice’s lap and grinning up at her._

_“Is this okay?” Ava asked._ _  
_ _  
_ _“It’s fine.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“You won’t be uncomfortable?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“I’d tell you if I was.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _Ava closed her eyes again._

Suddenly the small book in Beatrice’s hands felt so much heavier. 

She’d known all those weeks ago that this little book of poetry had become significant to Ava. Her last conversation with Ava before they left to confront Adriel led her to know there was something deeply important to her in that book. But after seeing both Mary and Camila’s reactions to seeing it in her possession, Beatrice couldn’t help but feel as though there was something more to it.

It felt like she was holding a piece of Ava’s soul in her hands.

“You haven’t read it yet, have you?” Camila asked.

“No.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Beatrice forced herself to meet Camila’s gaze head on. “You know why.”

Beatrice certainly did. As far as painful memories went, remembering that last conversation was pretty high up there.

They had been on the precipice of falling into something more. There was little doubt in Beatrice’s mind. Even if the words hadn’t been said, the actions between them should have been more than enough.

_“When we get back, I want to show you something.” Ava said quietly._

It was a gamble, a roll of the dice. In an ideal world she wouldn’t have approached it like this, to rely on her friend slipping in this moment just to confirm what she already knows to be true in the back of her mind. 

An ideal world was Ava, awake with her. Sitting under a tree on a beautiful day or huddled together in the library, not Ava, comatose in a hospital room. 

Camila looked sad at Beatrice’s words and reached out to give her hand a gentle squeeze.

“She’d want you to read it.” Was all Camila said.

As far as confirmations, Beatrice supposed that was the closest she was going to get. 

There was a poem within this book that Ava had wanted Beatrice to experience. 

Beatrice just needed to find that bravery she had from those moments with Ava and channel it to open the book.

\--

It did get easier once they brought Ava home.

Beatrice still rarely left Ava’s side, but being within the safety of Cat’s Cradle, she did feel more at ease being away from her and taking the time to ease herself back into her training.

The first time she had stepped foot in Ava’s room when they brought her back she had noticed that someone had moved a cot into the corner.

The gesture had touched Beatrice, though she didn’t sleep any easier. 

Ava’s wounds had finished healing in the days following, so all that remained was to wait and hope for the halo to continue to heal her.

They still didn’t know when Ava would wake up, all they could do was pray.

On the first Sunday since their return, Mary showed up in Ava’s room and offered to keep an eye so that Beatrice could attend mass.  
  
It had taken a gentle push and several words of reassurance for Beatrice to don her habit once more and make the short trip to the main hall…

Only to freeze in place in the doorway, oblivious to the others moving past her and their looks of concern.

Her gaze stayed focused on the steps in front of the cross.

_Ava sat upon the steps, head tilted backwards with her eyes closed. Sword drawn across her lap._

_She looked ready for battle._

_As Beatrice walked closer, Ava opened her eyes._

_There was an unfamiliar intensity in Ava’s eyes, reminiscent of the time in ArqTech when she had made her declaration of being the final Warrior Nun._

_"I have to say, this was the last place I expected to find you."_

_Ava's lips quirked up into a small smile as her eyes softened._

_"I needed a minute before we left." Ava replied eventually._

Beatrice shook her head violently, catching both Camila and Lilith’s concerned expressions, apparently having seen her hesitating and made their way to check on her.

Across the room Beatrice saw Mother Superion watching, but paid no thought to it as she turned on her heel and tore her veil off as she retreated back to the safety of Ava’s room.

\--

Beatrice could recognise the telltale gait of Mother Superion from miles away, this morning was no different.

She set her book aside and listened carefully to the steps as they approached the room.

It wasn’t a surprise when there was a brisk knock at the door or when it opened and Mother Superion stepped through.

It was, however, a surprise when Mother Superion greeted her with the barest hint of a smile.

“Mother Superion.” Beatrice greeted.

“Good morning Sister.” She walked further into the room and came to a stop at the foot of Ava’s bed. “I don’t know if you’ve been made aware, but we received word of a source of divinium. The rest of your team have gone to secure it.”  
  
She hadn’t known, though it had made sense when one of the newer sisters had come by to bring Beatrice some breakfast and not Camila.

“If it is as much as we hope, Mary believes we will be able to repair the sword.”

Beatrice looked towards Ava, gaze unconsciously falling to the spot on her chest where the blade had impaled her.

Beatrice wondered what became of the piece that pierced Adriel.

She doubted it had caused nearly as much suffering and pain that it had caused them.

But she could hope.

“She looks healthier.”

“She’s getting better everyday.” Beatrice nodded.  
  
“And you?”  
  
“What about me?”  
  
“Are you getting better?”  
  
Beatrice frowned down at Ava’s body. “You’re referring to what happened at mass.”  
  
“I am, yes.” 

“I haven’t lost my faith, if that is what you’re worried about.” Beatrice replied. “I just… I just can’t quite face being in there yet. Please trust me on that.”

“That is a relief to hear, but Sister Beatrice, I didn’t ask about your faith. I asked about you.” Mother Superion said. 

This was a conversation that Beatrice had managed to avoid over the last several weeks. Beatrice hadn’t actually spoken to Mother Superion without having either Mary, Lilith or Camila in the room with her.

“I… I’m coping. I know I haven’t been pulling my weight and for that I’m sorry-”  
  
Mother Superion held up a hand to silence her.

“Day in and day out, you have kept vigil over our halo bearer. That is important.” Mother Superion cast a long look at Ava before turning back to Beatrice. “There is something holding you back though, that much is clear.”  
  
_Ava sat upon the steps, head tilted backwards with her eyes closed. Sword drawn across her lap._

_Beatrice stood a few feet away. Watching. Waiting._

“You know you can always come to me or your sisters if you need to. You don’t have to keep anything to yourself.”  
  
“Thank you.” Beatrice replied.

Mother Superion made her way back to the door and paused, looking back at Beatrice over her shoulder.

“You may not believe so, but what you are doing takes courage. Courage that I know you have plenty of.”  
  
Once alone with Ava once more, Beatrice found herself agreeing with Mother Superion.

She didn’t believe so.

Beatrice took Ava’s hand, brushing a thumb over cold knuckles.

“I wish I could be brave for you.”

\--

Mary, Lilith and Camila’s mission was a success, but it took a further three days for Beatrice to see the results.

It came in the form of her friends bundling into Ava’s room late one evening, their expressions varying degrees of excitement. Lilith carried something in both hands wrapped in black material.

Beatrice unfolded herself from her seat and rose to their level.

“Is that…” She began.

“We did it.” Mary said. 

She nodded to Lilith who pulled the material away with a flourish and threw it to the ground, revealing the sword nestled safely in its scabbard.

Lilith walked over to Beatrice and in the moment before she drew it, Beatrice held her breath and wondered if she would be greeted with the same shade of blue that so often haunted her dreams.

When the sword was freed, it lit up the room. Instead of the dread that Beatrice had come to associate with the glowing blade, she instead felt a reassuring burn of hope.

They knew the halo was working, but to see it was something else entirely.

The sword was whole again.

Lilith placed it back in its scabbard and rested it against Ava’s bed. 

“Thank you.” Beatrice breathed. “All of you.” 

Mary smiled and reached forward to pat Ava’s leg. “Okay kid, if you can hear us. It’s your turn now.”

She held Beatrice’s gaze the whole time. 

\--

It was the early hours of the morning when Beatrice finally felt ready.

She flicked on the lamp and let out a long breath.

“I know it’s early, but do you mind if I read?” Beatrice asked into the silence. 

Ava’s quiet breathing was the closest thing to an answer that she would get and so with hands that only shook the smallest amount, Beatrice reached for the book that had taken up residence on Ava’s nightstand.

Tentative fingers brushed across the cover before turning it to the first page.

_"I needed a minute before we left." Ava replied eventually._

_“It’s okay to be nervous.” Beatrice said._ _  
_ _  
_ _“Are you nervous?” Ava asked._

_“Terrified.” Beatrice admitted._

_She had trained for years for situations like this, and while Ava had come a long way, Beatrice still didn’t feel comfortable sending Ava into battle like this._

_“You do a very good job at hiding it.”_

_“We both know I have experience at hiding myself.” Beatrice said quietly._

_Ava got to her feet and slung the sword over her shoulder, the warmth in her eyes never faded even as she looked sad at Beatrice’s words._

Beatrice flicked through the pages, scanning each one for signs of Ava’s chicken scratch handwriting. 

She’d find the occasional doodles in the margins, certain words circled and annotated with question marks. Some, Beatrice noted, had their definitions scrawled beside them and could only assume that Ava had asked somebody for their meanings.

Halfway through the book, Beatrice stopped. Eyes falling on a page where the title was circled so aggressively she knew in her heart she had found the right one.

“Before you came… Is this the one, Ava?” She asked.

Beatrice cleared her throat and traced the first line with her fingers before she began to read. 

“Before you came, things were as they should be…”  
  
_“I know you do. You know you don’t have to around me, right?” Ava asked._

_“You’re the person I never want to hide from.” Beatrice admitted. “I’m the strategist, the one who has contingency plans for every situation so it always feels as though the others look to me to be the strong one, the one who holds it together. But you don’t look at me like that.”_

_Ava looked at her with fondness and almost reverence._

_“You look at me and you just see… Me.” Beatrice sighed. “I don’t even know who I am.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“You’re Beatrice.” Ava shrugged. “That’s all that matters. We have the rest of our lives to figure out the rest.”_

_“We?”_

_Ava smiled and stepped closer and held a hand out towards Beatrice. “Trust in your team?”_

_As Beatrice returned the smile and took Ava’s hand she felt the energy between them shift, something heavier and electric all at once as they entered into a moment that felt as though they were balancing on a knife's edge, a small word or action away from falling into something more._

_“Always.”_

Beatrice wiped tears from her eyes and slipped her hand into Ava's as she let herself remember. 

She stumbled over the words of Faiz Ahmed Faiz, the poem's natural rhythm broken by her shaking words.

 _“When we get back, I want to show you something.” Ava said quietly into the scarce space between them. Her gaze was cast downwards. Almost shyly, she added; “I think it will explain things clearer than I could hope to.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _No ‘If we get back’. When._ _  
_ _  
_ _And when Beatrice nodded, their foreheads bumped together. Instead of flinching back as she knew she probably would have only a few months ago, Beatrice remained steady. Pressing their foreheads together and hoping that the action translated her feelings better than her own words could._

_Ava let out a shaky breath against Beatrice’s cheek and Beatrice could feel the flutter of her eyelids as Ava closed her eyes._

_“Whatever happens today, we’ve all got each other's back.” Beatrice said._

“Don’t leave now that you’re here-” Beatrice’s voice cracked painfully.  
  
Ava may have chosen this poem to describe her feelings toward Beatrice, but to Beatrice it felt as though Faiz had pulled the words from her soul. From the imagery of her world changing when she met Ava through to the gentle plea that opened its final stanza.

“Stay.” She read. “So the world may become like itself again.”

_“Exactly. It’ll all be okay in the end.” Ava replied._

_"Yeah?" Beatrice asked._

_"Yeah. Yeah I hope so."_

_"What if it isn't?"_

_"Well," Ava stepped back and smiled warmly. It isn't the end then, is it?"_

As Beatrice read out the final words of the poem, she closed the book and set it hastily aside and used her now free hand to wipe tears away once more.

The sun had began to rise, it's first rays peaking through the clouds and signalling the start of the new day.

“That was beautiful Ava, you were right to choose that one. But it won't be the same, not until I hear you read it.”

She shifted forward to press her forehead against the side of Ava’s head.

“It isn’t the end, remember? So wake up, please.”

Ava’s voice echoed through her mind, her previous words of reassurance, beautiful in its own right but unable to hold a candle up to the real deal. 

She squeezed Ava’s hand and closed her eyes. 

"I need you to come back to me." Beatrice whispered. 

_"It isn't the end."_

  
  
  
  
  


She felt Ava's hand twitch. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were so many poems i wanted to reference in this, it was so hard to narrow it down. But the first poem that Ava quotes is "Variations on the word love" By Margaret Atwood. The second was "Before you came" By Faiz Ahmed Faiz.
> 
> I wanted to try something different with this one, I've definitely written a lot of flashback sequences but nothing immediately comes to mind where at least half of the fic was actual flashbacks. 
> 
> did it work? Are there any ways anyone can suggest to make flashback scenes feel smoother if i fucked up horribly?
> 
> As always, feel free to drop me any requests and you can find me on Tumblr [here](https://yashastrongarms.tumblr.com/), come say hey!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said:  
> Could we have like the aftermath of Ava only wanting Bea around to recover (maybe like properly walking again) from her severe divinium injuries and its amgsty but Bea is by her side throughout it and the poems continue 
> 
> And a shoutout to HungryPothos - Your comment heavily inspired this, so thank you so much
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this, it's 12K of avatrice softness, not going to lie

Beatrice froze. 

She opened her eyes slowly and tilted her head to the side to glance at Ava's hand. 

Ava's fingers twitched and flexed around hers. 

Beatrice pulled back and was met with Ava's sleepy gaze looking back up at her. 

For a moment it felt as though everything went still, Beatrice's voice failed her and if not for the fact that she could feel her heart pounding against her chest, Beatrice would have thought this to be the cruelest dream of them all. 

Finally she found her voice, just barely. 

"Ava…" 

The awe and reverence in her voice felt holier than a prayer. 

Ava's lips curled into a smile. 

"Hi." 

Despite herself, a small laugh broke past Beatrice's lips. She knew she was still crying from the gentle creases along her forehead that Beatrice itched to smooth out. 

Beatrice dropped Ava's hand in favour of throwing herself against Ava. She curled an arm around Ava's shoulder and used her other hand to cup the back of Ava's head to bring her closer. 

She felt Ava breathe out steadily against Beatrice's ear, a quiet "Oh." on the exhale that Beatrice knew she would have missed if not for their proximity. 

Ava shifted ever so slightly, tipping her head forward so that she could fit into the crook of Beatrice's neck. 

"I can feel you." Ava whispered. 

Her hands came up to rest against Beatrice's shoulders. 

She knew that Ava's first clear thought would be seeking reassurance that she wasn't paralysed and it was equally obvious to Beatrice that Ava was drinking in the contact just as much as she was. 

"You can." Beatrice replied. "You're okay." 

Reluctantly, Beatrice drew back and perched on the edge of the bed. Ava moved to sit up, only to grimace in pain and drop back down as she pressed a hand to her chest. 

"Ava!" Beatrice covered Ava's hand with her own. "Are you in pain?" 

It took a few moments for Ava's breathing to even out once more before she met Beatrice's gaze and nodded. 

"Y-yeah, a little. What's going on?" 

It was easier to start from the beginning. 

"How much do you remember from the fight?" Beatrice asked. 

"Everything." Ava's voice was heavy and the barest hint of anger in her eyes left no room for doubt. "Up until the halo imploded." 

"When that happened the sword broke. Part of it hit Adriel and we believe he was seriously injured by it. You pulled out the blade that hurt you and collapsed." 

Beatrice squeezed the hand resting on Ava's chest. 

"Divinium is complicated and it was a huge trauma to your body, you're no doubt still healing." 

Ava took a minute to process the information. 

"How long was I out?" She asked quietly. 

"Almost a month." 

Beatrice hated being the one to deliver the news and could only sit and watch as Ava seemed to cycle through so many emotions in such a short time. 

The anger had quickly given way to surprise, fear and sadness. Beatrice was quick to try and offer whatever comfort that she could. 

"But I don't want you to worry, okay?" Beatrice asked as she shifted closer to cup Ava's cheek with her free hand. "Adriel hasn't been seen since, reports of possessions are down and we've fixed the sword." 

"Almost a month…"

"We never left your side, Ava. You were never alone." 

She watched tears form in Ava's eyes and it was only when one finally fell did Beatrice move her thumb and gently wipe it away. 

"Really?" Ava asked. 

"Really." 

Before either of them could speak again, they were interrupted by the door being thrown open. Beatrice jumped and twisted to look over her shoulder at the intruder. 

Camila stood in the doorway, eyes blown wide with surprise as she looked past Beatrice. 

"Oh my gosh, Ava!" She practically jumped on the spot. "I was walking past and I heard talking but I just thought it was Bea reading and then I heard your voice and-" 

She cut herself off to take a deep breath. Beatrice still felt a little thrown off by the sheer speed in which she had been speaking. 

"Ava, how are you feeling?" Camila took a step into the room only to change her mind and quickly take two steps back. "Oh, I need to tell the others!" 

She disappeared out of the room before either of them could say anything. 

Beatrice couldn't help but wonder how they must have looked to Camila. Ava, lying on the bed with Beatrice almost hovering over her, one hand on her chest and the other on her face. 

She was still staring at the space she had occupied when Ava burst into laughter. 

It sounded like a symphony. 

She'd missed that sound. 

Beatrice turned back to Ava, content to admire the brightness of her smile despite still being teary eyed. 

"What time is it?" Ava asked. 

"Still pretty early, the sun is still rising." 

"Everyone is gonna be pissed off if Camila is going to wake them up." 

"Not when they realise you’re back with us." Beatrice replied.

The birth of the new day had brought Ava with it. 

\--

As word spread throughout Cat's Cradle, Ava's room steadily filled. 

When Mary had arrived, she had helped Beatrice to prop Ava upright as comfortably as possible just in time for Camila and Lilith to join them. 

Eventually more joined them, the other nuns dropping by on the way to their morning chores.

Beatrice thought back to the days when Ava first joined them, and how none of them wanted to be anywhere near Ava.

Now, her room was alive in conversation and Beatrice watched it all unfold from the back of Ava’s room.

How quickly things changed.

Eventually Camila joined her, falling into place beside Beatrice and leant back against the wall in silence.

They watched as Mary regaled Ava with some kind of story, hands moving as Ava listened intently.

It felt good to all be together again.

"What happens now?" Camila asked. 

Beatrice kept her eyes on Ava. "I suppose… We will need to assess her condition and develop a rehabilitation plan and go from there.”

It had been in the back of her mind since Ava woke up. She didn’t want to make any assumptions about Adriel’s state, if Ava waking up meant that he was okay too.

They couldn’t treat Ava’s recovery like they had a time limit.

As she was thinking, Beatrice realised that Ava was trying to catch her eye and wiggled her eyebrows playfully when Beatrice finally met her gaze.

Beatrice smiled back before looking to the ground.

She could feel Camila’s eyes on her. 

"Somethings changed. You seem different." 

Beatrice didn’t dare look up.

"You read the poem." Camila concluded. 

There was no point in lying.

"Yes." 

It felt like Camila was practically vibrating with excitement beside her. "And?" 

"It's… Mutual." Beatrice replied, even from her periphery she could see Camila light up. "She doesn’t know though. We haven't spoken about it yet."

She was thankful for the busy room, had they been alone Camila would have probably squealed.

“When will you?”  
  
“I don’t know.” Beatrice replied honestly and finally turned to face Camila. “I… This is hard for me to talk about.”  
  
“Okay.” Camila bumped their shoulders together. “You know I love you right? No matter what. We all do.”

No fanfare, no dramatics. Just a quiet acceptance.

Had they been alone, Beatrice thought she might have cried. 

Across the room Ava caught her eye again, this time, she seemed curious as she watched Beatrice and Camila.

Beatrice smiled back.

\--

Ava fell asleep a short while later, so Mary insisted that she would stay with her while Beatrice went to eat and update Mother Superion. 

It was only a brief discussion, but Beatrice could tell that the older woman was pleased that Ava was awake. 

"I'll put in a call to have Dominic assess her condition." Mother Superion said. 

Beatrice had only met the man a handful of times personally, he had been a decorated surgeon once upon a time. Beatrice wasn't sure how he got involved with the OCS, but he was a trusted ally to Mother Superion. 

"I assume you'll be putting together a plan for her recovery?" Mother Superion continued. 

"I will, I'll be sure to keep you updated too." 

"Have you a plan for yourself?" 

"I'm sorry?" 

"Until recently, you've been out of training too. You still aren't sleeping much. I want to make sure you're in the right health to help Ava." 

She always knew that Mother Superion cared, even if she never really showed it. However, it was moments like this when it was clear to Beatrice. 

To an outsider, Mother Superion's words could come across as uncaring and distant, only caring about them being in the right health and frame of mind for the mission. 

And while that was still true, Beatrice knew there was more to it than that. 

Not being in peak condition meant mistakes could be made, and a mistake in their lives could mean death. 

Mother Superion had lost so many people, and while Beatrice had experienced loss, she didn't want to know how much that hurt to lose as many as the older woman had. 

"I'll be okay. You have my word." Beatrice replied. 

Mother Superion nodded, apparently satisfied with her answer. 

\--

Beatrice could hear light conversation from behind the door when she reached Ava's room. She knocked gently and waited for Mary to call out for her to come in before she opened the door. 

Ava was propped up again, somehow even more pillows had appeared around her, making her look even smaller. 

Ava greeted her with a warm smile. 

"Everything good with Superion?" Mary asked. 

"Yes. She seemed quite happy to hear you're awake." Beatrice replied smiling at Ava as she moved further into the room. "She seems to have quite the soft spot for you." 

"What can I say, nobody can resist the Ava charm." Ava punctuated the statement with a wink. 

Mary and Beatrice rolled their eyes good naturedly. 

"Right." Mary got to her feet. "I'll leave you both to it, I'll get someone to drop some food by in a bit." 

"Thanks Mary!" 

Once they were alone again, Beatrice moved into her usual seat. 

"How are you feeling?" Beatrice asked. 

Ava shrugged. "Not a big fan of being stuck in a bed again, but at least I know it isn't permanent." 

"That's right, and so long as we can manage your pain we can start looking at putting together a training plan." 

Ava nodded enthusiastically. "I'm ready." 

"We need to be careful about this, Ava. Mother Superion is going to have a doctor come tomorrow. We'll go from there." Beatrice instinctively reached for Ava's hand, only to catch herself when her fingers brushed against Ava's knuckles and dropped her hand back to the bed. "Can you be patient?" 

Ava glanced from Beatrice to their hands and back again. She smiled. "I can." 

She felt one of Ava's fingers hook around hers. A small gesture of affection that had Beatrice returning a smile. 

"Can I ask you something?" Ava said. 

"Of course." 

"Mary was telling me about the hospital and when you guys first brought me back here. When I woke up, you said 'We never left your side' …" Ava tilted her head curiously at Beatrice. "Why didn't you say that it was you?" 

"I… Because we all spent time at your side." 

"Bea…" Ava's tone felt gently chiding, she moved her hand again to cover Beatrice's completely. "Mary said that you only left the room when they made you." 

Beatrice looked down at their hands. "That's true." 

"But why?" 

"Because I made you a promise." 

She heard Ava suck in a breath and lifted her head to meet Ava's gaze. 

"I wasn't going to let you be alone." 

Ava looked thoughtfully at Beatrice for several moments, and as much as Beatrice wanted to ask what she was thinking, she held her tongue. 

It felt as though Ava was trying to see into her soul, trying to find the deeper meaning beneath Beatrice's response. 

Eventually though, she smiled and squeezed Beatrice's hand again. 

"Thank you Beatrice, truly. I don't know how to repay you." 

"You'd have done the same for me." 

Beatrice knew that without a doubt. Though she also knew that had the blade struck her as Adriel intended, Ava wouldn't have been able to stay at her side. 

She knew she would have been dead before they could have gotten her to the hospital. 

"I would have." Ava nodded. She looked over to the corner of the room where the cot lay. "Now that I'm awake, does that mean you'll leave?" 

In theory, Beatrice supposed that it should. But there was something in Ava's words that gave her pause. 

"Do you want me to?" Beatrice asked. 

"No." 

Well, that decided it then. 

"Then I'll stay." 

\--

_Adriel stepped forward, picking the sword up off of the ground in a smooth motion._

_"Truly a beautiful piece." He said as he trailed two fingers along the blade._

_Beatrice knew what was coming._

_Ava screaming._

_Ava bleeding._

_So much pain._

_Adriel lifted his gaze to look at Beatrice. "Wouldn't you agree?"_

_“Beatrice!”_

Beatrice was shaken from her sleep by a loud thud. She shot upright and looked around the dark room. Her gaze fell on Ava's bed. 

It was empty. 

"Ava?" Beatrice called out into the darkness, she threw the sheets off of her and scrambled from the bed. 

"Bea?"

Beatrice looked toward the source and found Ava looking up at her from the floor, as her eyes began to adjust, she could see the fear in her eyes. 

"Ava!" Beatrice dropped to her knees in front of Ava and took her face in her hands. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" 

Ava's eyes searched her own frantically, she took hold of Beatrice's shoulders and dragged herself as upright as she could. 

Beatrice moved her hands around Ava's shoulders to support her weight. 

"What? I'm fine. Bea, what happened? You were screaming." 

Beatrice froze. 

The fear in Ava's eyes wasn't because she had fallen from the bed or that her legs apparently weren't fully cooperating yet. 

It was because she had been scared for Beatrice. 

"Beatrice?" Ava prompted, the fear had begun to slip into her voice, punctuated by pressing her palm to Beatrice's cheek. 

"I… I had a nightmare." Beatrice let out a slow breath. "I'm okay."

Ava seemed to relax a little, but she didn't look convinced. 

"I'm okay." Beatrice repeated. 

"Bea…" 

"Come on, let's get you up." Beatrice said instead. 

There was no need to worry Ava more. 

For the moment at least, Ava left it at that and together they managed to get Ava up and back into bed. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" Beatrice asked as she hovered beside the bed. 

"I'm good, I think there's just a delay in my brain telling my legs to move." Ava paused as she searched for the right words to continue. "Have you ever had pins and needles in your legs and then tried to walk?" 

Not since she was a child, but Beatrice could vividly remember a time when it had happened and her legs buckled from underneath her, so she nodded. 

"Yeah, kinda like that." 

After a few moments of staring at one another in the dark, Ava spoke again. 

"How long have the nightmares been happening?" 

"Since that day." 

"Every night?" 

"Yes." 

Ava looked apologetic. "I thought you looked tired, but I thought…" 

She trailed off into silence and shook whatever thoughts she had from her head. When Ava looked at her again, she was smiling softly. 

"There's room here if you want to join me." She patted the space beside her. "If you don't want to be alone." 

Beatrice resisted the urge to take an instinctive step back. 

"I don't want to intrude." 

"It's not really intruding if I've offered." Ava pointed out. "You don't have to if you don't want to, I don't want to make you uncomfortable." 

For the briefest second, Ava's eyes drifted to where the poetry book rested the nightstand, seemingly noticing it for the first time. Her brow furrowed but she recovered quickly. 

"If you don't want to sleep we can just talk instead?" She said. 

Beatrice considered the offer and nodded. "Okay." 

Ava smiled. "Okay." 

She dragged herself over to make room and Beatrice carefully settled down beside her. There wasn't much space so it was inevitable that their sides would be pressed together. 

They talked long into the night, Ava would share stories from before her mother died and Beatrice responded with memories of the early days when she first met Mary, Shannon, Lilith and Camila. 

At some point with Ava's hand in her own, she didn't know when it happened, only that when it did, Ava's hand was within her own. 

\--

After an examination, a prescription of some pretty strong painkillers and some gentle suggestions from the doctor, they begin to get to work. 

Most of the day is spent in Ava's room, practicing walking its length. 

Ava's legs give out frequently, but Beatrice is there every step of the way with an arm around her waist and words of encouragement. 

She never let's Ava fall. 

Camila joins them in the afternoon and by the time dinner rolls around, Ava, though while still being supported by Beatrice, is crossing the room without stumbling. 

"Do you feel up to try and head down to eat with the others?" Beatrice asked. 

"Absolutely." Ava nodded. 

"Okay. There's no rush okay? Take your time and tell us if you need to take a break." 

With Camila at their side, they begin the journey, all the while making sure to let Ava set the pace. 

They have to take a break around half way there, the three of them taking up half of the hallway as they sat against the wall. 

"Do you think Mother Superion has a cane I could borrow?" And asked, only half joking. 

"I'm sure you could ask if you really wanted to." Beatrice replied. 

"Either way, you're doing great." Camila added with a bright smile. 

One that Ava returned in equal amounts. 

When they do reach the dining hall, the majority of people are already there. When Beatrice's eyes fell on Mary and Lilith, she could see the pride in their eyes. 

Ava's grin didn't falter throughout the whole meal. 

When it came time to go to bed, Beatrice found herself standing in the middle of the room, staring at her own bed before turning towards Ava. 

She had already moved over and had pulled the covers back in a silent invitation. 

Beatrice walked towards her. 

\--

The day Beatrice returned to sparring, Ava was there with her. 

Not training herself, obviously, but on the sidelines watching as she played with her cane. 

(It turned out that Mother Superion did have spares and had quietly loaned one to Ava.) 

Muscle memory and years of practice worked in Beatrice's favour, but being mostly out of training for the last month left her being slammed into the mat time and time again by Lilith. 

It was frustrating, but Beatrice quickly accepted it. 

When it was over, Beatrice was sweaty and had to take a moment to steady her breathing when Lilith held a hand out to her. 

"Little rusty, but overall good." Lilith said. 

Beatrice took Lilith's hand and allowed herself to be pulled up.

"Thank you. Enjoy being the best at hand to hand while it lasts." 

They'd had a steady but friendly rivalry for quite some time, their respective fighting styles complemented each other well. 

Lilith's eyes glinted at the challenge. "I'm going to hold you to that." 

She looked over to Ava. 

"She's progressing well, are there plans to let her train soon?" 

"Next couple of days, hopefully. Walk before we run, you know?" 

"Quite literally." Ava spoke up, grinning widely. 

"Hilarious." Lilith deadpanned. 

"Hey! Bea made the joke." Ava glanced at her. "Unintentionally." 

"Yes… Anyway, what are your plans now?" 

Ava and Beatrice shared a look. They hadn't really planned that far ahead. 

"The weather is nice." Beatrice said. "We could walk the grounds? Sit outside?" 

Ava smiled. "Sounds like a plan. You wanna come Lil?" 

Lilith frowned at the nickname but shook her head. "I have weapons training with Mary. Maybe later though." 

"Your loss." 

"We okay to stop by your room first? I could do with changing." 

Lilith raised her eyebrows but made no comment. 

"Yeah, totally." 

It wasn't until they almost reached the tree that Ava brought up the conversation with Lilith. 

"Do you think I can start sparring tomorrow?" 

"If you think you're ready for it." Beatrice replied hesitantly. 

Ava flicked her cane out to prod Beatrice. 

"I want to know what you think." Ava said. "Honestly." 

"I think… I'd rather you wait a couple more days." Beatrice saw Ava's face fall briefly and hurried to continue. "I only say that because I know you're still in pain. I don't want to risk you getting hurt and halting your progress." 

Ava nodded. "That's fair." 

They reached the tree and Beatrice hesitated as she watched Ava set her cane down and drop to the floor with a satisfied sigh. 

She still looked a little disheartened though, as Beatrice set down nearr her. 

"I know you're eager though." Beatrice said. "So hey, why don't we try practicing our stances and test your stamina?" 

Ava's eyes lit up. "Yeah?" 

"Yes." 

"Cool, cool. You were a badass as usual today." 

Beatrice tipped her head back to look at the leaves. "Thank you. Lilith was as relentless as always." 

She actually ached quite a bit now. 

"You'll get her next time." Ava said simply. "I like it here." 

"I know. I do too." Beatrice replied. 

"I always thought it was the perfect spot, oh! Speaking of, it seemed like you slept better last night." 

Beatrice smiled as she drew her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. 

Ava was right, while she hadn't slept through, it had been the first night where she hadn't been shaken by nightmares. 

And Beatrice knew why. 

"When you were in hospital, it wasn't just nightmares." She began. "It'd happen all the time. Whenever I closed my eyes, if I let myself get lost in my thoughts… Even if someone brought up that day, I'd replay what happened." 

Ava was silent beside her, after a short pause, Beatrice turned her head to be met with Ava's watchful gaze. 

Ava smiled encouragingly down at her and Beatrice found the courage to continue. 

"Camila told me to try and think of the good memories I have of you." Beatrice took a steadying breath. 

It shouldn't be a big deal, what she was about to say. 

Whatever it was building between them still had no name, hadn't gone any further than hinted confessions. 

Implied declarations of how important they were to one another. 

Ava with her desire to read her poems to explain things and Beatrice with her declaration that Ava is the person who she never wants to hide from. 

No hiding from Ava. 

"So I thought about that day I found you here with Camila. She was playing keyboard on her tablet and you were reading. You looked so calm and happy. I remembered you laying your head in my lap and how the shadows of the leaves made patterns on your face…" Beatrice closed her eyes. "I hadn't felt that kind of peace for so long." 

It felt like she was putting too much on the line. 

Be brave, she had to be brave. 

Beatrice pressed her forehead against her knees, closing her eyes against Ava's unrelenting gaze. 

"I'm more at peace when I'm with you." She admitted. "That's why I think I slept better last night." 

There was no taking back her words, they were out there now. 

Beatrice couldn't have predicted what Ava would say, she had moved past the fear that Ava would reject her or worse, be disgusted by Beatrice. 

But admitting someone's importance in what felt like such a direct way felt huge. 

She felt Ava move beside her before she felt Ava's weight heavy against her back, her arms slid over Beatrice's shoulders and gently pulled until Beatrice lifted her head and lowered her knees to allow for Ava to pull her back. 

Ava clasped her hands at the base of Beatrice's sternum. Beatrice didn't breathe until she felt Ava's face press against her neck, her legs coming to rest on either side of Beatrice's. 

Eventually Beatrice began to relax. It was only when she brought a hand up to cover Ava's hand did Ava finally speak. 

"I think about that day a lot too." Ava whispered against her neck. "I think about you a lot more though." 

Beatrice took a minute to just exist in the moment, to focus on how she could feel Ava's heart against her back. 

"Ava…" Beatrice trailed off. 

What were they? Beatrice didn't have the words. She didn't know where they went from here. 

Beatrice relied on plans, on knowing each step. 

"I know." Ava replied before Beatrice could say anything. "It's still just us though, okay? It doesn't need a name. Ava and Beatrice. We'll figure the rest out along the way."

Beatrice let out a long breath. "Okay." 

She felt Ava's head shift and a smile press into her neck. 

"Okay." 

\--

They spend the next couple of days working on Ava's mobility and testing her stamina. 

At first she could only go for short periods without the aid of her cane, but by the end of the second day she had made massive improvements. 

Beatrice discovered pretty quickly that Ava absolutely did not like yoga, and while she was fully committed to it, it was clear that Ava was itching to move onto the next step. 

At night they borrowed Camila's tablet and watched movies. 

There wasn't any hesitation about which bed Beatrice would sleep in now and it was consistently the best sleep she would get. 

On the third day they decide to try some light sparring. 

Camila offered to go against Ava so that Beatrice could focus on observing and coaching. 

It was going well until Camila threw a hit at Ava and Beatrice saw the halo flare. 

In an instant Ava was on her knees, one hand clutching at her chest. 

Camila reached Ava first, but Beatrice was at their side a second later.

"Ava? Ava, what's happening?" Beatrice asked. She placed one hand on Ava's back, in the centre of the halo. 

It was still pulsing. 

"My chest -" Ava gasped out. 

A quick glance in Camila's direction and Beatrice had already drawn a conclusion. 

Activation of the halo had triggered the pain from Ava's wound, more severely than they had seen before. 

"Okay, okay. Ava? Ava I need you to focus on me." Beatrice instructed as calmly as possible. She waited until Ava lifted her head before continuing. "I think it's the halo causing your pain. The halo is reacting to your emotions. I need you to breathe with me, okay?" 

There were tears in Ava's eyes as she nodded, but she copied Beatrice as they breathed together, Beatrice making sure to keep her hand pressed to Ava's back the whole time. 

It took almost five minutes for it to pass, for Ava to fall into Beatrice's arms, exhausted. 

"Help me get her back to her room?" Beatrice asked. 

Camila nodded and jumped into action. The two of them sharing Ava's weight for the duration of the short walk to her room. 

"Will she be okay?" Camila asked once Ava was finally settled. 

Beatrice nodded. "In the end, yes. I think the halo is still healing her. We may be slowing the process down too much by pushing her." 

"What happens now?" 

"Now we let her rest, I'll stay with her. We'll figure out the next step later." 

\--

It was almost dark when Ava finally woke up. 

She rolled onto her side, pressing her face into Beatrice's ribs. 

"Hey." Came the muffled greeting. 

"Hi, how are you feeling?" 

"A little wiped." 

"Are you in pain?" 

Ava shifted and sat up, she brushed a hand through her hair as she shook her head. 

"Not now, but that fucking sucked." 

Beatrice didn't bother to correct her language, it seemed pretty warranted under the circumstances. 

"If I can't use the halo, where does that leave us?" 

Beatrice rested her palm between Ava's shoulder blades. "I still believe it's only temporary, you're still healing." 

Ava turned to look at her hopefully. "You think so?" 

"Yeah, we'll just need to spend time working on your control so you don't accidentally activate it." 

"...Okay. Okay yeah, I can do that." 

"I know you can." Beatrice smiled. "Now, what do you say about raiding the kitchen and watching some movies, your choice." 

Ava's grin was all the answer she needed. 

\--

Ava doesn't bring up the poetry book until the next night. 

She was sitting on the edge of her bed, watching as Beatrice folded and put away clothes. 

It made sense, she had decided to bring more of her belongings into Ava's room. She rarely visited her own now. 

"When did you read it?" Ava asked, breaking the easy silence that had previously fallen. 

Beatrice turned around to see Ava holding the book. 

She almost expected to see disappointment, and was surprised to instead see a curious smile. 

Beatrice took her time putting the last of her shirts away before she moved over to sit beside Ava. 

"About five minutes before you woke up." 

Ava's eyebrows shot up. "Oh shit. Good timing." 

"Mary said it fell out of your bag when she gave it to me a couple days after it happened. Camila really tried to get me to read it too but it took a while." 

Ava laughed at the mention of Camila. "She cried when I showed it to her." 

"I cried when I read it." Beatrice replied. "I thought about our conversation before we left and… Ava, that poem, all of it was so accurate but that last stanza in particular…" 

"I guess if you're reading it when someone is in a coma it hits a little different huh." Ava said quietly. "Was it accurate?" 

"Very much. I can see why you chose it." 

Ava smiled down at the book and brushed a hand fondly over its cover. 

"I know I talk a lot, but I really don't think I'm that good with words. I have so many thoughts but it's like they all get crammed together and I just end up rambling like an idiot." 

Ava smiled and turned the book over in her hands. 

"When I first started reading this, it was like everything fell into place. Like the things in my head finally made sense…" She glanced at Beatrice. "These people, scattered through time and space, all connected by how they experienced love." 

Love. That was what was growing between them, wasn't it? 

Even if they still hadn't put an official word to what they were, Beatrice would have to be blind to not admit this was the path they were on. 

She reached out to cover Ava's hands with her own, stilling Ava's movements. 

"You may feel that you're not good with words, but I disagree. You speak the beats of your heart into existence and I think that's beautiful." 

Ava let out a shaky breath. "Shit, Bea." 

"You wouldn't have heard me say it, it was right before you woke up. I told you that you were right to choose that poem, but I also said that it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same because it wasn't your voice speaking the words." 

"Well… Do you want me to read it to you now?" Ava asked quietly. 

"I would like nothing more." 

Ava turned to bump her head against Beatrice's for the briefest moment before pulling away and getting up. 

It was almost a silent agreement for them to get into bed, for Ava to adjust a pillow behind her back and smile down at Beatrice. 

Ava cracked open the book, flicking through the pages and taking a deep breath. 

"You ready?" Ava asked. 

"Of course." 

"Before you came, things were as they should be," 

Beatrice closed her eyes and let Ava's words wrap around her. 

\--

After that night, Beatrice's days were filled with poetry. 

_"What did I know thinking about myself, able to go alone all the way."_

Their mornings were spent meditating, helping Ava to learn control over the halo. ****

Then they would train, light sparring between the two of them before Beatrice would fight Lilith. 

They were both progressing quickly. Ava, having finally returned Mother Superion's cane, being able to practice for longer each day with less complications from her injuries and Beatrice reclaiming her equal footing with Lilith. 

After lunch, on the days the weather was good, they would head to their tree. Ava would settle between Beatrice's arms and open the book once more. 

_"Clasp me close in your warm young arms, while the pale stars shine above."_

One the rare rainy days, they would find themselves in the library. Sometimes Camila would join them, showing Ava more poetry on her tablet and observing quietly when Ava would read her newest discovery. 

_"How should we like it were stars to burn, with a passion for us we could not return."_

(If Beatrice saw Camila wipe away a tear, neither of them mentioned it.) 

When it came to time to turn in for the night, they would slip under the covers and Beatrice would reach for her own book and read until Ava's head fell onto her shoulder. 

They had fallen into pattern. 

Beatrice knew that this was what happiness must feel like. 

\--

Beatrice catches Camila during breakfast and gently pulls her to one side. 

"Hey Bea, what's up?" 

"You're going into town today right?" 

Camila nodded. "Yep! What do you need?" 

"I was wondering, would you be able to get some poetry books for Ava?" 

Camila's grin was almost dazzling. "Oh absolutely! Oh that's so sweet. Ava will love that." 

"I hope so." 

"She's doing so well, you both are." Camila said seriously. "You two really do bring out the best in each other." 

Beatrice pulled Camila in for a quick hug, ever thankful for the steadfast support from her friend. 

"Thank you, Camila. Thank you so much." 

\--

"I think I liked it better when you were off your game." Lilith sighed as she pushed herself up from the mat. 

"Sorry Lilith, not gonna happen again." Beatrice replied. 

"Rematch?" 

"Sure." 

"Go Bea! Kick her ass!" Ava called from the sidelines. 

"Hey!" Lilith frowned. 

Ava smiled sheepishly while Mary laughed beside her. 

"Sorry?" 

Lilith rolled her eyes and fell into a defensive stance. "Your girlfriend is impossible." 

Beatrice threw a punch and quickly moved out of the way of Lilith's attacks. 

"She's not my girlfriend." Beatrice blocked another strike before quietly adding. "Technically." 

"You share the same room, you spend all your time together, you cuddle under the tree while she reads you poetry." Lilith lists between blows. 

Beatrice glanced over at the girl in question, Ava was still focused on the fight but her lips were moving as Mary nodded beside her. 

Lilith landed a solid hit to Beatrice's cheek, sending her stumbling back a few steps. 

"Lucky shot." 

"Shouldn't be so distracted." Lilith teased. 

Beatrice threw herself forward, feinting to the left at the last moment and grappling Lilith and turning to flip her. 

Lilith hit the ground with a loud thud, behind her, Ava cheered loudly. 

"Dammit." Lilith groaned. 

"Sorry." Beatrice replied. 

"No you're not." 

"No, I'm not." Beatrice agreed. She held a hand out. "Come on." 

Lilith took her hand and let Beatrice pull her up, Ava and Mary came to join them. 

"That was amazing, I wish I could have videoed it." Ava said, still breathless with laughter. 

"When are you hitting the mat properly?" Lilith asked as she turned to Ava. "We could go a few rounds." 

Ava's laughter faded and she took a single step backwards. 

"How did you make that sound like a threat?" She asked. "Also, let's be real. You'll kill me." 

Lilith nodded in agreement. "That's fair." 

"Can we try sparring for real tomorrow?" Ava asked Beatrice. "No holding back?" 

She had come so far and it had been days since she had mentioned any pain, it didn't seem like a terrible idea. 

"Sure." 

"Awesome." Ava grinned, she turned to Mary and Lilith. "Wanna watch a movie tonight?" 

Mary and Lilith shared a look, Mary shrugged as Lilith nodded. 

"Sure, why not." Mary said. 

"Cool! We'll ask Cam when she gets back." Ava said. 

"What time were you thinking?" Lilith asked. 

"Come by our room about eight?" Beatrice suggested. 

There was a brief silence between the group as Lilith and Mary shared another look, both were smiling as Ava seemed to grin. 

"Sounds good." Mary said. "We'll see you both then." 

\--

Ava was still grinning when they returned to their room. Beatrice watched her move around the room and grab a hoody. 

"What?" Beatrice asked. 

"What, what?" Ava replied. She pulled the hoody on.

"Ava, the sun is looking fairly dim in light of your smile." Beatrice pointed out. "What's going on?" 

Ava laughed and walked towards Beatrice, she took both of her hands in her own. 

"You don't realise, do you?" 

Despite her confusion, Ava's grin was infectious and Beatrice found herself smiling despite herself. 

"Realise what?" 

"You said 'our room', Bea. Not mine. Ours." 

Oh. 

Well that certainly explained a lot. 

"I… Didn't realise." 

Ava laughed. "I can tell. You're right though, you know. It is our room." 

"Right." Beatrice let out a breath. 

"Do you want to push the beds together later? We can borrow the laptop and all huddle together." 

Admittedly, there had been one too many instances of one of them almost falling from their bed. 

"Okay." 

\--

Camila arrived while Beatrice and Mary were rearranging the room, she saw Camila quietly slip something to Ava who quickly dropped it into a drawer. 

She walked over and handed Beatrice a bag. 

"I hope these are okay?" 

"I'm sure they're perfect, thank you again Camila." 

She slipped the bag under the bed. 

"What's that?" Ava asked as she bounded over to them. 

"Surprise. You can have them later." 

Before Ava could protest, Lilith stepped into the room. She took a moment to look at the laptop and the stack of pillows across the two beds. 

"You do all know I'm not particularly fond of human contact, right?" 

Ava draped an arm over Lilith's shoulder. "Aw, I thought you loved me? What's a bit of cuddling between friends." 

"Baby girl, she might actually kill you." Mary pulled Ava away. 

Lilith did join them in the end, though only on the condition that she sit at the end, Mary sat beside her. 

Camila sat next to Ava and giggled at everyone of Ava's terrible jokes. 

Very early into the movie, Ava slipped an arm around Beatrice. 

The group spent more time talking than actually watching the movie. 

\--

"What was the surprise?" Ava asked. 

Beatrice had closed the door after saying goodnight to their friends a whole two seconds prior. 

"Have a look, it's under the bed." 

Ava practically dived to the ground to grab the bag, rummaging through and pulling three books out. 

"Poetry?" 

"I figured you'd want to see more of what the greats had to offer and-" 

She was cut off by Ava barrelling into her, the force of it sending her stumbling back a few steps. Ava's arms wrapped firmly around her waist as she buried her face into Beatrice's shoulder.

"Thank you Bea." She whispered. 

Beatrice returned the hug and pressed her nose into Ava's hair. "You're welcome." 

"I asked Camila to get me a journal, that's what she gave me earlier. So I could write the lines from my favourites down." 

"I hope you'll be able to fill it with whatever your heart desires." 

"That won't be too difficult." Ava replied. She pulled away and smiled. 

"Do you want to read one?" 

"Definitely. Let me just find the right one." 

Ava stepped away, though she hovered for a moment. Before Beatrice could ask why, Ava surged forward and pressed a quick kiss to Beatrice's cheek and darted back towards their bed. 

When they finally settled down, Ava had already opened one of the books. She looked to Beatrice before she began. 

"I carry your heart with me, I carry it in. By E.E Cummings…" 

\--

They're eating breakfast, Ava and Mary having a lowkey food fight with several grapes when Mother Superion approaches them. 

In fact, Ava was currently in the process of choking on a grape when she stops at the edge of the table. 

"Good morning- is she alright?" 

"She's fine." Beatrice replied, patting Ava's back as the girl offered a weak thumbs up. 

"Another victim of breakfast warfare." Ava whispered, coughing heavily and downing her orange juice. 

"Yes… Anyway. Sister Beatrice, when you're finished could you stop by my office?" 

"Of course." 

"Thank you." She nodded at the group and walked away. 

"What do you think she wants?" Ava frowned. 

"I couldn't say for sure." Beatrice replied. "But… I suppose it may be because I haven't been going to mass?" 

Ava's brow furrowed. She knew obviously that Beatrice hadn't been going, but it had never been something that came up in conversation. 

Though Beatrice suspected that the true reason behind this need to talk would be in some relation to Ava. 

She didn't need to worry Ava with that though. 

"That's dumb." 

Beatrice shrugged. "It'll be fine. If you want to go change into your training gear I'm sure Lilith and the others will warm up with you and I'll catch up?" 

"I'll warm her up." Lilith said in that tone that even Beatrice would admit sounded mildly terrifying. 

"I'll make sure Ava is in one piece for you." Mary added. 

"Don't worry Bea… It'll be grape." 

Ava's shit eating grin quickly disappeared under the assault of grapes that Lilith and Mary pelted at her. 

\--

"Thank you for coming to see me, Sister Beatrice." She gestured to one of the seats. "Please, sit."

"Of course, is there a problem?" Beatrice asked. She took the seat closest to the window and folded her hands in her lap. 

"Not exactly. I just wanted to have a discussion with you." 

"What about?" 

"Your vows." 

It wasn't exactly what she expected, but Beatrice couldn't be surprised. If she were really thinking about it, she supposed it had been more likely than simply bringing up what was developing between her and Ava. 

Truthfully, the two did fall hand in hand. 

She couldn't ignore the slight dread she felt in the pit of her stomach now too, it felt as though with two words, Mother Superion had thrown Beatrice's future into the unknown. 

If they relocated her because of her feelings, that would mean leaving Ava, her family. 

If she revoked her vows, would they ask her to leave? She had nowhere to go and nobody to turn to. She couldn't turn to her parents. She hadn't had contact with them for years, the trust fund she had had when she was younger was long gone. 

"I'm aware of your relationship with Ava." Mother Superion continued, unaware of Beatrice's inner conflict. 

"There is no relationship." Beatrice managed to reply. 

She technically wasn't wrong, they hadn't put a name to what they were. 

"But there are feelings, and I know that they run deep." 

Beatrice looked down at her hands. 

"That's correct." She said. 

"It isn't my intention to make you uncomfortable, but I wanted to be sure that you had all of the information." 

Beatrice looked up. "Information?" 

"As a Sister, you have certain responsibilities. We follow the church, but as you know we take a bit more freedom, take Sister Shannon for example." 

Shannon and Mary's relationship hadn't exactly been public knowledge, though she did wonder now if everybody had known and that it had just been quietly accepted. 

"Shannon was the halo bearer though, it isn't the same."

"Isn't it?" Mother Superion asked. "Ava is the halo bearer." 

Her voice was softer, probably softer than Beatrice had ever heard it. 

"What I am trying to say to you is that should you continue to be a Sister you would not be judged for continuing whatever is going on between you both."

Mother Superion got up from her seat and walked towards the window, stopping to stare outside. Beatrice remained frozen to her seat as she watched. 

"Should you choose to revoke your vows, it will not change anything. You are irreplaceable to the Order and this is your family. You will always have a home here." 

She was thankful that Mother Superion had her back to Beatrice, as the older woman spoke, Beatrice could feel the tears begin to form. 

Beatrice couldn't help but cast her thoughts back to her parents, how when it came to it, they sent her away. They turned their backs on her because of who she was. 

Because of who she wanted to love. 

Mother Superion finally turned to face her once more. She was smiling. 

"I don't know what to say." Beatrice admitted. 

"You don't have to make a choice now, nor will anybody influence you. This is your path and yours alone, but we will support you every step of the way." 

Acceptance. Warmth. Love. 

Mother Superion may be her title, but in a moment like this, she really did capture the heart of what a mother should be like. 

"Thank you." 

"I will say this to you though, I said the same to Sister Shannon and Mary. This is still a church-"

"I understand." Beatrice hurried to answer, feeling her cheeks heat up at Mother Superion's implication. "Thank you." 

And much like a mother would, it would seem that even Mother Superion was able to embarrass her. 

\--

When Beatrice joined the others for training, it appeared that Mary and Lilith were in the middle of a push up challenge. 

Ava may have been taking part too, but considering she hadn't moved from her position on the floor in the time it took for Beatrice to reach them, it was probably safe to assume not. 

"Hey," Mary greeted as she spotted her first. "All… good?" 

She didn't stop her push ups, Beatrice had to respect that. 

"All good." Beatrice confirmed. 

Ava's head shot up and quickly got to her feet to join Beatrice at her side. "Hey." 

"Hi." 

"What happened?" 

Beatrice looked around at the other nuns warming up and bumped her shoulder against Ava's. 

"I'll explain properly later? Everything is okay though." 

Ava looked at her curiously before she reached up to wipe at Beatrice's cheek with her thumb, so gentle and caring. 

"Are you sure? You've been crying." 

"Happy tears, I promise." 

Ava smiled, satisfied and dropped her hand. "Okay." 

They were interrupted by Mary cursing and Lilith's subsequent pleased cackle. 

"You got lucky." Mary complained. "I got distracted by those two being cute." 

"Sure, blame Beatrice and Ava." Lilith shot back. "Just admit that I'm better." 

"Respectfully, fuck that." 

"Language!" 

"I said respectfully!" 

"Ava truly is a terrible influence on you." Lilith sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, everyone pair off." 

As everybody split into their pairs, Ava grinned at her. 

"Ready partner?" 

They found a spot a short distance from Mary and Lilith, Beatrice spared them a brief glance before she focused her attention on Ava. 

Beatrice and Lilith had a friendly rivalry that always served to help the other improve. 

Mary and Lilith? That was just a straight up rivalry. 

If she were a betting woman, she'd put money on blood being shed by the end of the session. 

"Just remember, focus on your control and tell me if you need to stop." 

"Got it." 

And with that, Ava launched herself at Beatrice. 

Beatrice kept on the defensive, blocking each strike with relative ease. 

She threw her own punches from time to time, which Ava dodged and blocked happily. 

"Come on Bea, don't hold back!" Ava called. 

Beatrice blocked another punch and moved off to the side when Ava tried for a kick. 

She could feel herself hesitating, reluctant to push any harder. 

Ava reached out for a grapple and Beatrice deflected the blow easily, throwing out a palm which connected firmly with Ava's chest and sent her stumbling back. 

_Ava falling to her knees clutching her chest as the halo flared._

Beatrice stilled, her hand falling to her side. 

The punch that connected with her jaw did a good job of bringing her back to herself. 

Ava looked frozen in place, blinking at Beatrice in surprise. 

She clearly hadn't expected to land a hit and looked more shocked than Beatrice felt. 

"Bea?" 

Beatrice shook her head and fell back into position. "I'm fine." 

She threw an experimental punch that Ava slapped away. 

As they continued to trade blows, Beatrice could feel herself disconnecting, her thoughts falling back into the distantly familiar darkness. 

_Ava dropping to her knees and clutching her chest._

_Ava in bed, the fluorescent lights of the hospital bearing down on her._

She could tell that Ava was growing frustrated. It was showing in her movements, how they grew faster and more erratic. 

But it showed clearer in Ava's eyes, the way her eyebrows furrowed and how she looked at Beatrice, silently demanding an answer. 

_Adriel driving the sword through Ava's chest._

Ava grabbed the front of her shirt, her other hand clutching at her shoulder as she twisted harshly, using her own momentum and flipping Beatrice. 

She over compensated however, falling down with Beatrice, unintentionally kneeing Beatrice in the stomach in the process. 

The room seemed to fall silent. 

Ava's grip on her shirt tightened on Beatrice's shirt. 

"Why are you holding back on me?" She demanded, she pulled Beatrice closer. 

Beatrice could feel Ava's hands shaking with the strain. 

The frustration was as clear as ever in her eyes. 

"Ava… Ava, the halo-" 

"Why?" 

"Because I can't hurt you!" Beatrice yelled back. 

Ava's eyes widened, her grip slackened immediately and Beatrice's back hit the mat with a soft thud. 

"You got hurt because of me. I can't hurt you again." Beatrice added in a whisper. 

For a moment all they could do was stare at each other, Beatrice, trying to temper down the anxiety she could feel building. 

Ava, startled but Beatrice could still see the lines of tension beginning to ease. 

Neither of them noticed Lilith and Mary silently ushering everybody out of the room. 

"Because of… You think… Bea, do you think what happened to me was your fault?" 

Beatrice looked away. 

Apparently that, along with her silence, said it all. 

Gentle fingers cupped her chin and turned her head so that she was looking at Ava once more. 

"Bea.. . No. No, no, no." Ava moved her hands to cup Beatrice's cheeks and leant closer. 

The stray hairs that had fallen from Ava's ponytail tickled Beatrice's cheeks and her skin felt alight from the touch of Ava's fingertips. 

It was getting considerably harder to breathe. 

"How could you think that, Bea?" 

"He was coming for me, you got hurt saving me." 

"And what was the alternative?" Ava asked quietly. "Let him hurt you? Let you die?" 

Part of Beatrice wanted to scream. 

(Yes! Yes, of course you should have.) 

She knew Ava could tell what she was thinking. That Ava knew that if she could, Beatrice would have given her life so that Ava would never have felt pain. 

Beatrice wasn't sure what she expected. 

Ava's smile was sad, Beatrice thought. But her eyes were soft. 

"Never gonna happen, Bea." Ava said as she brushed her thumbs across Beatrice's cheekbones. "Not in a million years." 

There was so much care in Ava's words, so much understanding in her eyes that Beatrice felt like Ava could see right into Beatrice's soul. 

She couldn't remember the last time Beatrice allowed herself to feel so vulnerable. 

It used to terrify her, Beatrice would liken it to being like an exposed nerve. That anybody could touch her and she would crumble. 

So Beatrice wrapped herself up, built the walls up and kept everybody at a distance. 

Ava changed everything. 

Ava was a balm on her soul. 

Beatrice wasn't scared anymore. 

Ava's gaze flickered towards Beatrice's lips and in that moment, Beatrice knew things were shifting rapidly between them. 

They'd been on this path from the beginning, and while it would be so easy to tip her head up. To cross that final bridge. 

But she knew that their emotions were running too high. 

Beatrice reached up and pressed a hand to Ava's chest. 

Ava's smile grew as she sat up, shifting off of Beatrice's lap and settled down beside her. Beatrice sat up with her, keeping her hand on Ava's chest to keep her close. 

"You know it's my job to protect you." Beatrice said. 

"Well, we'll just have to make sure to protect each other." Ava shrugged. 

Beatrice couldn't help but laugh and dropped her hand in favour of pressing her forehead against Ava's shoulder. 

"You know it isn't that simple." 

"I know." Ava agreed. She wrapped an arm around Beatrice's shoulder and held her closer. "But we're in this together, remember? We've got to have each other's backs. We'll figure it out." 

Beatrice smiled against Ava's shoulder. "It'll all be okay in the end?" 

Ava laughed and Beatrice felt it in her chest.

"And if it isn't?" Ava prompted. 

"Then it isn't the end." 

It was their mantra now. 

Ava wrapped her other arm around Beatrice. "Exactly."

Beatrice let herself relax into the hug, let Ava sway them from side to side and Beatrice could practically feel her happiness soak into her soul. 

"You know I can't really spar with you now, right?" Beatrice said. 

"It won't be nearly as much fun to practice grapples with the others though." 

And okay, even Beatrice had to admit that she kind of had a point there. 

"I'm sure… We can work something out." Beatrice conceded. 

Ava laughed until she fell backwards, dragging Beatrice down with her. 

\--

They retired to their usual spot soon after, the tension from training long since abated as they settled down. 

Ava had two books resting beside her, one of her poetry books and her journal. 

She scribbled in it frequently, sometimes even during meals which would earn curious looks from their friends. 

For now though, it lay untouched as Beatrice told Ava about her discussion with Mother Superion. 

Beatrice leant against the tree, Ava lying on the ground with her head pillowed in Beatrice's lap. 

When she was done talking, Beatrice waited for Ava's response. 

"Cruella de Jesus has a heart, I'm impressed." 

"You know she loves you." Beatrice replied. She brushed Ava's hair from her face. "There was just a teething period." 

Ava hummed, catching Beatrice's hand and holding it steady. "She clearly loves you too, you know." 

"I know." 

Ava turned Beatrice's hand over and began to play with her fingers. 

"Have you given any thought to it?" Ava asked quietly. 

"I don't know yet." Beatrice admitted. "But It's a pressure off of me knowing that whatever I choose I'll have the support of the Order and it won't affect… Us."

Ava grinned. "We have mama's blessing."

"Mama?" Beatrice laughed. "I dare you to say that to her face." 

"I accept your challenge." Ava replied seriously. She sobered up quickly. "It must be good for you though, to know that she supports you."

"Us." Beatrice corrected. "And yes, it means more than I think I realised." 

They heard footsteps approaching and Ava lifted her head to glance beyond their tree. 

"Can I assume from the cuddling that it's safe to approach?" Mary called. 

Ava laughed and sat up, shifting to lean against Beatrice's side as Mary, Lilith and Camila joined them. 

"We're good." Ava said. "But…"

She trailed off and glanced at Beatrice. 

"I can't spar with Ava, I froze after hitting her." 

Understanding passed over her friends quickly. 

"We'll figure it out, Camila and Mary can take over until she's brave enough to take me on." Lilith replied. 

"What about Mother Superion?" Camila asked. 

"What, can I fight her?" Ava asked. 

"No, I mean… Maybe? But no, I meant what did she say to you? Camila directed her question to Beatrice. 

"She wanted to talk about my future and my options. I won't bore you with the details, but no matter what I have a home here. And…" This time it was her turn to look to Ava, a silent question. 

Ava nodded encouragingly. 

"She gave us her blessing." 

Camila made a sound of pure joy while Lilith and Mary smiled. 

Mary's smile was the warmest of them all. 

"Did she give you the talk?" 

"The talk?" Ava frowned. 

"Yes, well, she started to. I picked up on what she meant so I admit I interrupted her." 

"Oh!" Ava laughed loudly. 

"Yeah she did the same for me and Shannon, it took weeks for Shannon to stop being mortified by it." 

"Does this make you guys official then?" Lilith asked. 

Beatrice and Ava shared a long look. 

They probably should have actually put a name to what they were before their friends asked. 

Ava was smiling though. "We're just… Us" She said eventually. 

"I'm gonna take that as a yes, you know." Mary said. 

“Oh this is so exciting! You two are so cute together too, I’m so happy for you both.” Camila beamed.

Beatrice strongly suspected that in her head, Camila was in the process of planning their wedding.

“Thanks Cam.” Ava grinned. “My question is, when will we see the pushup rematch.” 

“Okay listen, I was robbed!” Mary replied.

As Mary and Lilith quickly resorted into their little argument, Beatrice caught Ava reach for her notebook and scribble something down.

Eventually, she took Beatrice’s hand as they all fell into their usual pattern of banter.

\--

The following Sunday, Beatrice woke early and was surprised to find Ava already awake, sitting up in bed and writing in her journal.

“Good morning.” Ava greeted.

“Morning, you’re up early.”  
  
Ava hummed and finished writing her thoughts down before tossing the journal to one side. 

“Can I ask you something?”

Beatrice sat up. “Of course.”  
  
“Why haven’t you been going to mass?”  
  
Ah.

“When we first came back here, that first Sunday, Mary came to sit with you so that I could go. I got there and I just… Froze.”

Ava reached for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“It hurt too much to be in there. When I got there all I could think about was our last conversation there before… Well, you know.” Beatrice sighed. “I just felt guilty.”  
  
“Do you still feel guilty?”  
  
“Less than I did, but you know I do.” Beatrice replied. “It’ll be a work in progress to fully move on from that.”  
  
“I get that.” Ava nodded, she let go of Beatrice’s hand in favour of slipping a hand around her shoulders. “It’ll be hard, but we’re in it together remember? We’ll work through it together.”  
  
Beatrice smiled. They both had shared trauma, they talked about it frequently. But Ava was right, they’d get through it together, in time.

“Do you want to go to Mass today?” Ava asked. “I’ll come with you.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Of course.”

“I think I’d like that.”  
  
She let Ava pull her down so that Beatrice could rest her head on Ava’s lap, when she felt Ava shifting she knew that Ava was reaching for one of her books.  
  
“Cool, we’ve got time, so try to get some more sleep. Wanna hear another poem?”  
  
“Yes, please.”  
  
She closed her eyes as Ava began to read, she let Ava’s words drift over her and smiled at the comfort it brought.

“I lean into the rhythm of your heart to see where it will take us." 

Later, they went to Mass together. Side by side, hand in hand. Their family surrounded them with smiles.

As they sang, Beatrice caught Mother Superion’s eye and returned her smile with equal force.

  
  


\--

Despite usually being within six feet of each other at any given moment, there were still times when Beatrice and Ava went their own ways. 

Today, after training, Ava had disappeared with Camila. Beatrice had taken up residence in the library with Lilith as they dove back into research for their hunt for Adriel.

It was nearing lunchtime when Mary walked in, casting a disinterested eye over their stack of books.

She immediately threw a neatly folded up piece of paper into Beatrice’s face.

"What-" 

"Your girlfriend asked me to give you this." Mary shrugged. "Don't worry, I didn't read it. I don't want to see whatever notebook sexting you two have going on." 

Beatrice felt her cheeks heat up. "I- Ava wouldn't!" 

"I'm kidding. I just wanted to see your reaction." Mary laughed. 

"I wouldn't put it past her though." Lilith muttered under her breath. “What does it say?”  
  
Beatrice set her book aside and unfolded the paper. She couldn’t help but feel some pride at how Ava’s handwriting had improved.

“She wants me to meet her under the tree.”  
  
“How romantic.” Lilith drawled, she waved a hand. “Fine, go, abandon me.”  
  
“Dramatic.” Mary mumbled.  
  
She dodged the book thrown at her with ease. 

“Are you sure?” Beatrice asked Lilith.  
  
“We’re not getting anywhere here.” Lilith replied. “Go, have fun.”

\--

Beatrice could hear music as she approached their spot.

She could see Ava, sat cross legged, back hunched. Probably writing.

The picnic basket was a surprise.

“What’s this?” Beatrice asked.

She shouldn’t have laughed, but she couldn’t help it when Ava jumped, trying to make it intentional as she got to her feet and spun around to face her.

“Bea, hey!”

“Hey, I got your note.”  
  
Ava scratched the side of her face and looked a little sheepish as she gestured to the basket. 

“I figured, maybe… We could have a date?” 

“A date?” Beatrice smiled.

“Yeah, Cam gave me her tablet so I loaded up all the music you like and she helped with most of the food because apparently sandwiches are a struggle for me, it’s nothing special but-” 

Beatrice cut Ava off by taking her hands in her own.

“It sounds perfect, Ava.” 

“Yeah?”  
  
“Ava, it doesn’t matter what we do, I’m just happy to be around you.” 

“I’m the same, but I figured why not make today special? We’re like, officially official? I think that’s what Mary would call it, anyway.”  
  
“You’re cute.” Beatrice said. “And I think this is a great idea. Show me what you’ve made?”  
  


  
\--  
  
  


They lose track of time, eating and talking.

She may not have a frame of reference, but as far as ‘official first dates’ go, Beatrice felt that it couldn’t get any better than this.

Despite herself, Beatrice found herself dozing in Ava’s arms under the shade of their tree. The arm that was wrapped around her chest also held the book Ava had been reading from.  
  
Ava’s calming words combined with the gentle music and steady beat of Ava’s heart against her back was nothing short of idyllic. 

She came back to herself fully as Ava finished out the rest of her poem.

“I can’t wear it on my sleeve, or tell you from the bottom of it how I feel. Here, it's all yours now- but you'll have to take me too." 

Beatrice thought back to the urge that came over her during their talk immediately after sparring, how the only thing that had held her back had been the little emotional rollercoaster they both went through.

None of that applied now.

Beatrice tapped Ava’s wrist gently and waited for her to remove it before she sat up and twisted in Ava’s arms.

“Is everything okay?” Ava asked, gently setting aside her book. 

“Everything is fine…” Beatrice took a quick breath and reached out to cup Ava’s cheek. “I just… Can I try something?”  
  
Ava nodded.

Beatrice leant in slowly, taking in Ava’s steady gaze, the gentle curve of her lips.

Their eyes fluttered closed at the last moment as Beatrice pressed their lips together, a gentle brush, at first. A test of the water.

She felt Ava let out a shaky breath. Ava’s hands coming up to rest against Beatrice’s shoulders.

“Bea…” She whispered.

There was so much to say and Beatrice could hear it in Ava’s words too.

“I know.”  
  
Another kiss, firmer this time.

Seeing Ava’s smile was one thing, it was an entirely different experience to feel it against her lips.

Now that she had experienced the press of Ava’s lips? There was no turning back.

\--

Beatrice would admit that when it came to the time for Ava to spar with Lilith, she was nervous. 

"She's going to be fine." Mary said. 

Apparently it was clear to everyone else. 

Ava had been doing so well and they had both come so far, she'd be able to hold her own. That much Beatrice had faith in. 

"I'm guessing you'd rather watch?" Mary asked. 

"If that's okay with you." 

Mary dropped to the floor with a satisfied sigh. "You're not gonna hear any complaints from me." 

Beatrice knelt beside her, folding her hands carefully in her lap as she watched Ava jumping on the spot, shaking her limbs to psych herself up. 

"You ready?" Lilith asked. 

"For sure. Come on Lily, let's do this." 

Lilith glared. Beatrice was fairly sure that Ava had thrown out the nickname intentionally just to rile her up. 

Ava dodged several attacks with ease, ducking from side to side and throwing experimental jabs to test Lilith's defence. 

Lilith landed a few solid hits and it was clear to see that they had dazed Ava a little bit. 

When Ava ducked to the side and landed a solid punch to Lilith's cheek, Beatrice grabbed Mary's hand in disbelief. 

"Oh, fuck yes!" Ava jumped happily. "Now that's what I call a punch line!" 

"That… Doesn't really make sense." Mary said. 

Lilith levelled another steady look at Ava, who took a step back. 

"Oh, fuck no." Ava lowered her hands. 

What followed was an admittedly intense assault from Lilith that had Ava dodging and moving back, off of the mats until her back hit the wall. 

As Lilith drew her hand back, Beatrice could anticipate what was going to play out in slow motion, she was already getting to her feet despite knowing there was nothing she could do to stop it. 

The halo flared and in an instant, Ava disappeared into the wall. 

"Ava!" 

"Oh shit." Mary joined Beatrice in getting to her feet and running to Lilith's side. 

Beatrice pushed past Lilith and pressed her hands to the wall. 

Lilith stared at the spot for a long moment and turned to Beatrice, eyes wide. 

"Beatrice, I'm sorry, I didn't-" 

Beatrice turned away from the wall. She forced herself to get her breathing under control. 

"Don't worry, Lilith, you stay here and we'll go outside and get her."

Before she could move, she heard the all too familiar sound of the halo and was thrown off balance by a weight crashing into her back. 

The arms wrapped around her chest and Beatrice clutched at them as she righted herself. 

"Bea!" Ava gasped into her ear. 

Beatrice twisted in her arms and cupped her face in her hands, eyes searching for any signs of distress. 

"Ava! Ava, are you okay?" 

Ava was smiling as she pulled Beatrice closer.

"It didn't hurt." She breathed. 

"You're okay?" 

"More than okay." 

Relief washed over Beatrice as Ava laughed, dipping forward to press their foreheads together. 

"I'm so proud of you Ava." Beatrice whispered. 

"God, you two are sickening. it's like I'm living in a Jane Austin novel." Mary said beside them. 

"Beatrice would make a good Mr Darcy." Ava agreed absent-mindedly. 

She pulled back and pressed a gentle kiss to Beatrice's lips. 

"Are you guys gonna keep doing this or are we going to start again?" Lilith asked. 

"Two minutes." Ava replied, already leaning in for another kiss. 

\--

They're all huddled into the library one rainy afternoon. 

Even Mary, who generally hates research more than Ava has joined them. 

They're looking for more sources of divinium, with the hopes of crafting more weapons to level the playing field a little more. 

The time was getting closer for Ava and Beatrice to return to the field. 

Which meant that one day in the near future they would face Adriel again. 

It did scare Beatrice. She'd be a fool if it didn't, but so much has changed already. 

Next time they faced him, he wouldn't stand a chance. 

"I see you writing in that thing all the time." Lilith spoke up, looking at Ava. "What is it?" 

Ava glanced up from her journal and flashed a conspiratorially smile at each of them, lingering for a moment on Beatrice. 

"It's a surprise." She shrugged. 

"Girlfriend stuff." Lilith decided with a roll of her eyes. 

Ava wriggled her eyebrows at Beatrice but didn't deny it. 

\--

The mystery surrounding the journal only lasted for a couple of days. 

They're in their usual spot, Beatrice resting in Ava's arms.

They've been out there a lot longer than usual. They'd made themselves sparse after Ava had called Mother Superion 'mama' and had been met with a look of pure surprise and mild outrage. 

(She was pretty sure Ava was going to keep up the nickname) 

The sun was starting it's descent, casting them in glorious light.

"I've filled up the journal." Ava said. 

Beatrice blinked up at her. "That was fast. You haven't even finished reading the books yet." 

"I stopped using it just for quotes." Ava replied. "I had much better inspiration." 

"Oh?" 

Ava smiled down at her. "You, Bea." 

Oh. 

"I've been working on it for a while now and… Well, it would be easier if I just showed you?" 

Beatrice moved to sit up, only to be stilled by Ava placing a gentle hand on her chest to keep her in place, her other hand reaching for her journal. 

From her position on the floor, Beatrice could see the scribbled notes, the scratched out paragraphs as She flicked through the pages. 

Ava stopped at the final page, and before she could angle it out of Beatrice's view, Beatrice saw neat, careful writing. 

"This is a working title but… it's called 'Grand Declarations' by… Well, by me." 

Beatrice squeezed Ava's hand as she cleared her throat. 

"My North Star. My everlasting light. Since the day that I met you, I have stopped being so fearful of the night." 

_Beatrice observed Ava carefully from where she was perched on the stone, nursing the cut on her arm and illuminated by the candles._

_She looked less upset after Beatrice’s attempt at lightening the mood._

_Ava was studying her just as intently as the smallest smile formed on her lips._

_Beatrice returned it with one of her own._

_“What?” Beatrice asked._

_Ava gave a slight shake of her head. “I’m just trying to figure out whether you’re… more or less nun-like than the others.”_

"When I returned from my sleep. You were there, steadfast by my side."

_She shifted forward to press her forehead against the side of Ava’s head._

_“It isn’t the end, remember? So wake up, please.”_

_She squeezed Ava’s hand and closed her eyes._

_"I need you to come back to me." Beatrice whispered._

"I know that sometimes you are afraid. But my dear Beatrice, please don't feel you have to hide." Ava pressed a kiss to the top of Beatrice's head, lingering for a long moment. 

"With each day that passes, I ask myself why I suddenly feel whole."

_So many mornings spent waking up together, a steady pattern of Ava gifting her with the poems she would find._

"But when I'm with you the answer becomes clear. My dear, I think it's because you've shown me your soul." 

_Beatrice gifting Ava with the poetry books and being cut off by Ava barrelling into her, the force of it sending her stumbling back a few steps. Ava's arms wrapped firmly around her waist as she buried her face into Beatrice's shoulder._

_"Thank you Bea." She had whispered._

This time, when Beatrice moved to sit up, Ava didn't stop her. Beatrice turned so that she could face Ava. Ava looked at her for a long moment and Beatrice could faintly see tears beginning to form in her eyes. 

Ava glanced from Beatrice back to her page and continued. 

"There is so much more I wish to say. But all I ask is that we never be apart." 

_Beatrice took a quick breath and reached out to cup Ava’s cheek. “I just… Can I try something?”_

_Their first kiss._

"I have very little to give. Yet I have to ask, will you take my heart?" 

Everything that had transpired between them that had led them up to this one glorious and sun kissed moment.

Beatrice's heart had belonged to Ava for a lot longer than she had realised. 

"You know I'm not good with words." Ava smiled. "But then again after all we've been through, I don't think I need grand declarations…" 

Ava set the book aside and settled her gaze on Beatrice. The setting sun illuminated her eyes like a burning flame. 

"Maybe I just need to say, I love you." 

Silence fell between them, Beatrice as she stared at Ava who looked uncharacteristically nervous. 

Beatrice reached out and tentatively cupped Ava’s cheek, using her thumb to brush over her cheekbone. “My heart? Ava, It’s already yours.”

Ava's smile grew. 

"I love you too." Beatrice breathed. 

"You do?" Ava asked. 

Beatrice pressed their foreheads together. 

"You're so much better with words than you give yourself credit for. You never cease to amaze me." 

"It's all you Bea. You and me? I think we're something special." 

Beatrice laughed as Ava pressed a kiss to her lips. 

As she pulled away, Beatrice brushed a strand of hair from Ava's face. 

"I think you may be onto something there." 

\--. 

Things were going to change, that much was inevitable. They had a war to fight, after all. 

But truthfully, it didn't matter. Beatrice had Ava and her family by her side and the love she felt for each of them would only grow. 

Beatrice framed the poem and it sat proudly on their nightstand for her to see each day. 

But when all was said and done, there was only one question left to ask. 

What were they? 

Well, to put it simply, if anybody asked, they were girlfriends. 

But both of them agreed that the term didn't feel like it was enough. They'd been through too much together, felt too much. 

They were their rawest and truest selves when they were together. 

They would walk through the storm for one another. 

They carried pieces of their hearts together. 

They made each other strong. 

They made each other brave. 

They made each other feel at peace. 

They were Ava and Beatrice, whole in their own rights but something else entirely together. 

And while they didn't know what the future held, they did know one thing. 

It would all be okay in the end. 

And if it wasn't? 

Well, then it wasn't the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone. This fandom is honestly the best one i've ever been a part of. You've all shown me so much love and it's a pleasure to write for you all.
> 
> As always, you can find me [here](https://yashastrongarms.tumblr.com/) come say hey or drop me a request!
> 
> Poems referenced, in order:  
> Love comes quietly, Robert Creeley  
> I love you, Ella wheeler Wilcox  
> Loving one, W.H Auden  
> For keeps, Joy Harjo  
> Heart to heart, Rita Dove


End file.
